My New Year’s Resolution

As most bloggers would say December is the slowest month of the year when it comes to updating blogs. If so then I am guilty, as you can see this is just my second post this month. There were just too many distractions that were hard to ignore. One that really knocked me hard this month was the “holiday blues” though I got over with it now. Thank God!

Now it’s time to pay attention to my blog. With a year coming to a close, it’s time to reassess our goals once again. Are we making a headway or are we still stuck in a maze and starting to get frustrated? Either way, it’s time to pause for awhile and re-evaluate our goal plan. So we can decide wisely on how to tackle the new challenges ahead of us.

 Recently, I had a dilemma with my blog that I must decide whether to continue moving forward with the same strategy or to abandon the plan that does not work and start all anew. In other words, I had the thought of deleting my blog and starting all over again. I became impatient with my blog. I got tired of changing the design so many times and I can't still get the look that I wanted. I became discourage that after blogging for several months now, I am still talking to myself and my stat still remains the same.

I started this journey with no background on writing and no knowledge on how to start a blog, I am not a web savvy and so on. All I had was a strong determination to learn. I did learn a lot through research, reading and watching YouTube. Nobody taught me or help me set up my blog, I did it all by myself. Though I am still a newbie and still need to learn a lot more, I should be happy with my accomplishments.

Blogging is hard work, especially if you're aiming to become successful in the blogosphere. There are so many things to learn particularly when you are new. It can be overwhelming sometimes.  Though I am aware that there are some easy ways if you are willing to spend money into it, such as paying for a blog design, buying quality contents, buying ads to promote your blog and get more traffic, etc. That is if you want an easy and quick route to blogging. But you will surely miss the fun and challenges that go with it and this will  not guarantee you success either.

I am more interested in doing it on my own. The skills that I've gained along the way are more important. I've  realized that writing can be learned, but I can't grow as a blogger by writing alone. The cause of my frustration is that I lack some other skills to be able to move forward as a blogger.

A blog expert, Steve Pavlina said that in order to be successful as a blogger, one should need to be a web savvy. You don’t necessarily have to be a computer programmer but must understand the basics of the technical aspects of blogging. The list below are variety of web technologies that we need to be familiar with.

I have the desire on learning them one by one though I keep putting the tasks aside, so in 2012, as my new year’s resolution I will make this my priority.

• blog publishing software
  
• HTML/CSS
  
• blog comments and comment spam
  
• RSS/syndication
  
• feed aggregators
  
• Pings
  
• trackbacks
  
• full vs. partial feeds
  
• blog carnivals (for kick-starting your blog’s traffic)
  
• search engines
  
• search engine optimization (SEO)
  
• page rank
  
• social bookmarking
  
• tagging
  
• contextual advertising
  
• affiliate programs
  
• traffic statistics

optional:

• email
  
• podcasting
  
• instant messaging
  
• PHP or other web scripting languages

Childhood Memory

 
I had a frustrating morning today, the culprit- my memory failing me. I forgot to buy bread yesterday when I was at the grocery store.


So early this morning, I had to go to several specialty bakeshops in the vicinity just to find whole wheat bread. My son is trying to lose weight, and only eats two slices of whole wheat toast with peanut butter and a glass of milk for his breakfast meal. But why do I need to tell you about this incident? The reason - it triggers a trip down memory lane.



Nonetheless, the early morning bread dilemma reminds me of my childhood and prompts me to share it here. This childhood event happened when I was around nine years old. Though I hate recalling painful experiences, there are moral lessons to be learned. 

Pandesal

The story centers on a bread called pandesal or salt bread. This bread is made of flour, yeast, eggs, sugar, and salt. In the Philippines,Pandesal is traditionally served for breakfast as is or accompanied by such items as butter, cheese, scrambled eggs, jams, jellies, peanut butter, etc. with coffee, tea or hot chocolate.

For most families, the breakfast table is not complete without pandesal. Most bakeries bake them at dawn and their patrons expect hot and tasty pandesal in every morning.


My stepmother and my then three year old half-sister liked them as their morning treats as well. My stepmom put aside fifty centavos every day for pandesal, so she and her daughter could have this fresh-baked bread for breakfast. Nobody else could eat the pandesal but the two of them. For fifty centavos you’d get six pieces.


My younger sister, who was then seven years old, was the errand girl. However, every time she came back from the bakery, she had to deal with a punishment. The reason being, she was tempted to eat a piece of bread. Our stepmother strictly ordered not to eat nor take a bite of it. But how could you blame a young child of not resisting such a treat, when her growling stomach has been tormenting her for some food and nourishment.


As always, my stepmom would drag my sister inside a room and I would hear her little cries of pain and the seemingly endless cursing from our stepmom. I felt bad for my little sister; for she would not be allowed to have breakfast and had to do extra chores that day. Sometimes, I wished I could give her some advice but then again I was also just a kid like her. In that house, as kids we don’t talk, we don’t say anything. We were like walking little zombies.


But where was my dad during this time, who was supposed to be there to protect his little children? Well, he left and went to another town to seek an overseas job. He promised that when he came back he would have lots of money and life would be happy again.


One day, our stepmother decided to delegate the duty to me instead. She finally had enough of my sister not following her orders. I was a little worried. Then I realized I enjoyed the morning walk, as I would see people along the way. It was great to feel some fresh air after being in a dungeon-like situation for so long. A few minutes of freedom were great too. I enjoyed the different scenes of life outside; I could hear real happy laughter and not just laughs of our stepmother which I thought were comparable to the laugh of a bad guy in a movie who was getting ready to formulate an evil plan. I could day dream along the way and be away from the harsh reality for few minutes.


However, once I had the bag of mouthwatering bread in my hand, the real torture begins. But I was so determined not to follow my sister’s fate.


At an early age, I learned the meaning of self-discipline and willpower. It seemed a voice on my right would say “eat just one piece of bread, it’s really tasty and good and would ease your hunger”, while on the other side a voice would opposed, “don’t do it it’s not worth the punishment and shame you would get later on.”

my sister, a friend and me (finally smiling again)
Taken a few weeks after we left our stepmom's place.

Usually, I would count the bread hoping the seller had made an error and put one extra piece of bread in the paper bag. Sometimes I would silently pray, “Please, God just one piece”, while watching the seller puts the bread in the bag.


Each morning was a struggle. Thus, I quickly learned some tricks along the way on how to ignore the temptation. I would sing happy songs or I busied my thoughts into a daydream while walking back home. At times I imagined that one day when I grow up and have money of my own, I will buy plenty of pandesal and just eat them till my heart’s content.


Every time I reached the entrance of our place, I felt proud; giving me a pat on the back. Feeling relieved that the most dreaded task of the day was done. Thus, as a child it wasn’t easy being helpless and to worry endlessly with the thought that one day I will weaken and get lured into the bait, and not able to resist the temptation to take a hearty bite into the forbidden bread.


But God knows the perfect timing. He knows when you are barely hanging at the end of the rope and ready to fall. He would be there in time to rescue you!

7 Simple Ways to Control Food Cravings

Once and for all, you promise to yourself of losing the extra 10 lbs. of weight before Christmas.  You consider this goal achievable within your time frame, but of course with the help of a good diet plan and daily exercise routine. To be in perfect shape especially when the holiday season is coming, is what most women wish for. Who doesn’t want to look their best on Christmas parties, reunion and other holiday activities? But how many times have you promised that to yourself but only to fail? The culprit is food cravings.

It’s been known that when one is trying to lose weight, a sudden desire to indulge in sweets, salty and greasy foods also becomes intense. Not being able to control to these cravings could lead to feeling of guilt and disappointment that may result in giving up on the goal of losing weight.

 Listed below are some tips and tricks on how to control food cravings:

1. Trick your sweet tooth with a spice. Add cinnamon, vanilla or nutmeg to yogurt or steamed low-fat milk. According to study these spices can satisfy the sweet tooth, a sweet flavor minus the calories.
2. Try a peppermint. A really strong craving for sweets can often be subdued by eating a peppermint followed by a few bites of fruit such as an apple or pear or a few sips of fruit juice.
3. Pick a peck of pickles. If you’re about to start your binge-eating episode, open the fridge and grab some pickles. Crunching on a sour pickle helps eliminate the craving for sweets and salty treats. They’re tangy,   salty, crisp, satisfying and almost calorie free.
4. According to study, when a person is low in the mineral chromium, combined with an unhealthy eating habit such as starving your self during the day and overeating at night can generate food cravings. Taking a daily supplement of complete multi-vitamins-mineral   that includes chromium, will help get your nutrients intake back in equilibrium and make food cravings to disappear.  Broccoli, lean meat, whole grain foods, cheese, brewer’s yeast, cereals, black pepper, thyme, mushrooms are good sources of chromium.
5. As soon as you feel the urge of reaching for a bag of chips, create an absorbing activity, such as reading a favorite novel, chat with friends, play online games, listen to your favorite music, take a walk and so on, to entertain your mind. Once you are immersed in a stimulating or playful activity for 10 to 15 minutes your craving is likely to go away.  Most often people crave sugary treats when they are bored. 
6. Give in- occasionally. If craving for a certain food is very hard to control, give in once in a while. Depriving yourself from your cravings for a long time may cause a feeling of anxiety. Thus to prevent from having this negative emotion that may cause you more to crave, doctors suggest to give in once in a while.  If you want to have ice cream plan in advance, taking in consideration how much and how often you will have it. Eat only reasonable, calorie-controlled portions in the middle of a satisfying meal. Don’t store an easy to grab half-gallon in the freezer instead buy just the exact amount of what you want to eat at the same day you plan to have them. This will prevent you from the temptation to overeat. 
7. Don’t starve yourself. This strategy of losing weight will not work, though it gives you quick, temporary results but it will backfire on you. Starving can cause blood sugar to drop which makes you to crave more carbs and to binge later on.

photo credit: morgueFile

Remedies for Dark Circles under the Eyes

I’ve noticed recently that the dark circles under my eyes are getting noticeable. I had to do something. Nobody wants to have dark circles under the eyes. It does not only makes you tired and unhealthy looking but what’s worst, it makes you look older. Luckily, these days with an easy access to the internet, there’s always ready answers to our concerns.

So, what causes dark circles? Medically speaking, dark circles are harmless and not necessarily caused by lack of sleep or illness. Dermatologists and ophthalmologists agreed that the contributing factors are fatigue, allergies, overexposure to sun, menstruation or pregnancy, poor nutrition, daily stress, smoking, alcohol and most often genetics caused by hyperpigmentation. If your parents have them, there's a fair chance that you do too.

Sometimes the engorged blood vessels under your eyes can be mistakenly thought of as dark circles. Because the skin under your eyes is thinner, mostly to a fair-skinned person blood vessels there are more visible and can be perceived as darkened skin.



Below are some remedies that could help lighten or conceal under-eye circles:



Cover them up with a concealer that is especially formulated for under-eye darkness. When you’re wearing a concealer under your foundation, choose a cream concealer that’s a little lighter shade than your skin but when wearing the concealer alone pick a shade same as your skin. Gently dab the concealer with a makeup brush or your pinky finger into the dark areas and very lightly pat the edges to blend it in. Finally, powder lightly to help the concealer stay put.



Try a cold compress. You can use a cold washcloth, chilled spoons or used teabags as your cold compress. Lie down for 10-15 minutes, close your eyes and apply a cold compress to your eyes. During weekends when you’re at home all day you can repeat the procedure several times throughout the day. Cold compress will help constrict your blood vessels and may help lessen tissue swelling thus results in eliminating some of the darkness.


Always use sunscreen especially made for the face with a sun protection (SPF) of at least 15- 20 every day, since sun’s rays is one of the culprits of darkening the skin under your eyes. Wear a hat and sunglasses when going out in the sun.


Brighten up your eyes by using white eyeliner on you lower eyelids. Lighter color makes your eyes look brighter thus diverts attention away from dark circles.



Use an eye cream that contains Alpha Hydroxy Acids (AHA’s). It will not only reduce wrinkles but also lighten up the skin. The most common type is glycolic acids (extracts derived from fruit and other plants). Also an eye cream that contains ingredients such as retinol and vitamins K, C, and E are very effective in treating dark circles under the eyes.

However if you are still unhappy about the skin darkness under your eyes, see a dermatologist for a consultation to know if prescription creams, laser therapy, dermal fillers, etc. are suitable for you. These treatments are a bit expensive and some are mildly invasive but may give you a greater satisfaction and long term results. Good luck!

photo credit:

Free Stock Photos.biz

My Ramblings

To be or not to be? For few days now this question has been playing in my head repeatedly. My thoughts are a mess, my spirit is low. I don’t know what triggers this sudden emotion, perhaps just plain boredom or something deeper as in midlife crisis. Out of the blue, I’m longing for change. As the lyrics of a song goes, “I guess I wanted something new in my life, a new key to fit a new door, to wake and see a different view in my life the one I've been waiting for.”

This is exactly the same feeling I had several years ago. I still remember the day I stunned my hubby, when I told him I wanted to go back to college. Actually, the original plan was to go to law school but I ended up taking nursing instead.   

Though I love the simplicity of life here in the tropics and I’m happy being away from the rat race - the feeling of being stagnant is what drives me crazy. After soul searching I came up with a plan. I should go back to the US and work for few years. Oftentimes when life is mundane and without goals, our self-esteem suffers.Our soul craves for something new, something worthwhile!

As expected, negative thoughts always interfere when you are making positive plans. The questions of “what if” are overflowing which makes me feel eager and scared at the same time. Besides I haven’t experienced being alone in a huge foreign land.  Though I had been away from hubby many times with no problem, being far from my son would be a different story. Then again I should get used to the idea, whether I like it or not, in a few more years I’ll be facing the dreaded empty nest anyway.  

Then I saw an article in yahoo news, “Who’s getting hired right now?” number one on the list is Registered Nurse. I thought maybe this is a sign from up there that I should go for my goal?  I did some research about this article in nurse’s forum and many nurses didn’t agree saying the details are incorrect and misleading. Although I believe there are jobs out there, just need to look harder and be persistent.  

My next worry is I can’t drive, how will I survive commuting during summer and winter months?  Living in a place that has good public transportation system is the only way. I know New York and San Francisco are the best places to live if you don’t drive, but I want more choices. Guess what? The next day I went to yahoo to read the news. There it was- at the front page the answer to my question, an article by Charles B. Stockdale, "The Best Cities to Live in Car Free". 

"Several factors make a city easy to live in without a car. The most important one is a widely available and efficient public transportation system. Another is having daily amenities, such as groceries, shopping, schools and entertainment, nearby and within easy reach on foot or by bicycling. The best cities have both features and 24/7 Wall St. has identified the ten best ones to live without a car…"

Is this another go signal? Sometimes we feel alone and disheartened that no one cares. Thus we oftentimes forget that there’s someone who is always listening to our worries and fears. Thank you Lord!


So, to be or not to be? What is the answer to William Shakespeare's famous first line in Hamlet? I don't know, I'll leave it all to God, I know I'll get more signs from Him when the right time comes. For now, I will just keep preparing for a possible new journey.

Tips on How to Lose Weight

 
A few years ago, I started to notice that gaining weight seemed easier and losing it was always a great struggle. Even though I had been careful on what I ate and was exercising regularly, my weight kept on climbing. I noted that my diet and exercise routine were not as effective as it used to. I panicked. I thought I had to do something before it’s too late.

Then I learned that as we age, our metabolism slows down due to hormonal imbalances or hidden medical conditions and perhaps from yo-yo and crash dieting. There are also other factors to consider like genetics, muscle loss associated with aging and a sedentary lifestyle. I realized that I had to change my diet plan and decrease my caloric intake to be able to lose weight. Nowadays I eat more fruits and vegetables, cut back on carbs and greasy foods. I also move around more often and add 15 to 30 minutes more to my daily walk. I’m in control of my weight again.

It’s time for us to take care of our body and time to take care of our health. According to a medical study, even 20 percent of excess weight puts our health in higher risk for high blood pressure, high cholesterol level, diabetes and other diseases.



I listed below some tips and tricks that help me shed few pounds here and there. Every little bit helps.

• Exercise is crucial in losing excess weight and in keeping it off. We gain weight when we ingest more calories than we burn and the only way to burn up calories and fat is exercise. A good exercise is when it increases your respiration and heart rate such as running, walking, bicycling, etc. for 30 minutes to 1 hour a day. Choose an exercise that you enjoy the most, like walking, dancing, swimming, etc. You are less likely to give up exercising when you are having fun. Be creative, for example if you are not an early riser take a walk in the evening instead. If working out seems overwhelming at the beginning, exercise 15 to 30 minutes in the morning and 15 to 30 minutes of exercise in the afternoon, do whichever works for you.
  
• Eat slowly, learn to savor and enjoy each bite of your food. Put your fork or spoon down between every bite. Sip water frequently. By eating slowly, it will give your body time to signal your brain that you are full, and to stop eating. It takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full.
  
• Drink a glass or two glasses of water 10 minutes before meals. The water fills up your stomach and reduces the feeling of hunger, therefore makes you eat less. Water will hydrate the body, making the metabolism speed up, which will aid the body in burning calories and fat. Make water your prime drink.  Stay away from sodas and other sweetened drinks. Eliminating the non-nutritive, sugar-filled, possibly harmful beverages from your diet is a great first step in the right direction of losing weight and improving your health.
  
• Limit your intake of white rice, and white flour, or better yet switch to whole grain breads and brown rice instead.
  
• Put tempting treats in hard to reach spots (like the highest cupboard), or better yet don’t bring junk food into your home, so there will be no temptation to eat unhealthy foods.
  
• Take a nap or a shower when feeling a strong desire for food. Make an activity to divert yourself from reaching for food in the fridge. Make sure you have 8 hours of sleep each night. Lack of sleep would dampen your mood and could lead to overeating.
  
• Try to eat 5-6 smaller meals per day, such as breakfast, a lunch, an afternoon snack, a dinner, and an evening snack. Eating smaller meals keeps your metabolic rate high throughout the day because your body is constantly using up energy to digest the food you are eating. Eating smaller meals will also leave you feeling lighter and more energized throughout the day.
  
• Eating several small meals per day may not work for everyone. For me I eat a good breakfast but in a smaller portion, lunch is my biggest meal of the day and dinner is the lightest. Exercise burn up calories, which means that your body will burn up food better while your active, so eat your main meal at middle of the day and eat something light (like salad with fat-free dressing or a small bowl of vegetable soup) for dinner.
  
• Avoid skipping meals or starving yourself because this will put your body into survival mode. Your metabolism will slow down to conserve energy. When your metabolism slows down your body burns a lot less calories.
  
• Don’t deny yourself from the fun of eating out once in a while, but remember to pare your portions. Save half or one-third of the food for take out and make it your lunch the next day.
  
• If you lose control and overeat one day don’t get discouraged, just compensate for it by exercising more the next day to burn the extra calories you consumed. 
• Don’t deprive yourself of some enjoyable treats once in a while, like a cone of ice cream or a small slice of a chocolate cake, but add an extra 30 minutes to your daily walking routine to pay off for the extra calories and eat less on your next meal.
  
• If you can’t avoid a meal that is high in fat especially during an event or a celebration, prevent the harmful effects of a fatty feast by following it up with a bowl of oatmeal. The whole grains help transport cholesterol out of the body. Researchers say the soluble fiber and anti-oxidants in the oats are responsible for their usefulness as a fat taxi.
  
• Brush your teeth right away after every meal. The minty freshness and clean feeling of your mouth will serve as cue to your brain that mealtime is over.
• Have an inspiration, take use of the upcoming Christmas party or a high school reunion to motivate yourself to lose weight. Think about buying an expensive blouse or dress one size smaller than your actual size. Hang it beside your mirror or a place where you can see it every day to serve as an inspiration to lose weight so you can wear it when the event comes. Imagine how trim your body looks and how well the clothing fits you.
• The bottom line is do not wait till the excess weight files up on you. As soon as you notice that you are gaining a few pounds, do something to get rid of it right away, if you don't your putting your health at risk. Remember to eat less and exercise more!

photo credit: Free Stock Photos

What is Halloween?

Halloween is a yearly tradition observed on October 31st. I didn’t really know what Halloween was until I lived in the US and experienced it first-hand.

When this festivity is just around the corner, the first thing you’ve noticed is that stores and malls have huge display of Halloween costumes for both children and adults and even for your beloved pets.

Traditionally, Halloween costumes are patterned after scary figures such as monsters, ghosts, skeletons, witches, and devils. Over time, the costume selection extended to include popular cartoon characters, celebrities, superheroes, princes, princesses and anything that goes beyond your imagination and creativity.

The feeling of an eerie atmosphere can be felt in the air as people would embellished their yards, porches and front doors with Halloween decors and props to achieve the scariest look and feel.  Americans decorate their houses with scarecrows, witches, spider webs, skeletons, skulls, etc., with illuminated strings of lights in orange and purple at night.

You will see pumpkin patches all over town, a place that sell pumpkins of different shapes and sizes. It is an important element of the tradition; people will carve them to make jack-o’-lanterns. Placing lighted pumpkins known as jack-o'-lanterns in the window is a way of welcoming children dressed up in Halloween costumes for trick or treating.

Every household has to make sure that they have plenty of chocolates and candies to give for the trick or treaters who would come knocking at the door on the evening of Halloween. It would not be fun to have some naughty kids to play tricks on you, so be prepared for the giveaway treats.

For our family tradition on Halloween dinner, we always have pumpkin pies topped with vanilla ice cream for dessert.  At first I was trying to bake the pie myself but it came out soggy, so the following year we just bought a fresh baked pumpkin pie at the bakery instead. It’s the best-selling pastry during Halloween so bakeries always bake plenty. Then some leftover pie would be perfect for your morning coffee the next day.  Just the thought of it, makes me miss pumpkin pie, I can’t buy it here where I am now.

Usually when there are less trick or treaters than what you’ve expected it means more chocolates leftovers, mostly my son and I would have weeks supply of this treat.

Common activities you can do during Halloween:

Trick-or-treating

 Attending costume parties,

 Carving jack-o'-lanterns

 Bonfires

 Apple bobbing

Visiting haunted attractions

 Playing pranks

 Telling scary stories

 Watching horror films

photos credit: MorgueFile

The Writer

Recently, I came across a blog that I became fascinated with. The blogger’s name was Sue and her blog was called “The Writer”.

For me, she has the right to that "title", for her blog speaks for itself. I became a fan. I read her posts one by one, enjoying each and every words. I like her poetic style of writing and I admire how well she writes, simple yet so passionate. I know the work of a gifted writer because when I read it, it affects me.  I can feel the emotions and sincerity that oftentimes I get carried away. When I write I sometimes imitate their style unconsciously. However my own ineptness often shows. It reminds me to slow down a bit; I am not ready to write at that level yet.  

My nineteen year old son, who is my reluctant editor scolds me at times, “Mom, don’t use these words” he said. “But why not, I like to use beautiful words?” I asked. “You are not a poet, leave them to the real poets” was his reply. Ouch, even my own flesh and blood…

Anyway, back to Sue. I can’t get enough of her writings so I kept going back to her blog. I had it bookmarked. One day, as I was reading a few of her posts, I realized she was talking about a life that is soon to be over. In other words, I wonder if she was dying (I have a hard time writing the D word), and her blog was her way of expressing her feelings, a way to relax and to forget what’s imminent? One of her post called “The Droplet” the excerpt goes…

“It was there, clinging on to the edge of the leaf and was about to fall, fall into the little puddle of water below. Yes, the droplet was ready to give up and surrender its existence to the little puddle below. But something made it cling on, just that little bit longer.”

I am not sure if she is the original author of this or if she posted it because she only wanted to express her feelings at the moment. I saw two bloggers who posted this on their blogs as well and seemed to claim that they wrote it. They titled it “The Droplet and the Ripple”.

Here’s another excerpt from one of her post…

“I write because it allows me to cheat death at least for one more day, to proclaim in my own little, tiny, fleeting voice that everyone can be a beacon, can be a light in the planes of bleakness, and can Shepard their brothers through the valley of darkness.” 

After reading this post, I was stunned. I felt a little eeriness and maybe my gut feeling is true that I am reading a dead woman’s blog. Though you can’t find a hint of anger or self-pity in her words, she seemed bidding for an extension of time, a few more days of life. I noticed her last post was May 2009.

On her picture she looks like in mid-twenties. One of her posts was written expressing love for her man. I feel sad for both of them.  I feel sad for her blog “The Writer” for I would not see new posts that I admire and enjoy reading ever again.

I hope my intuition is wrong. I hope she’s just busy starting a great career and raising a young family and too busy to spend time blogging. I hope she’s well and fine!

Why do Friends Drift Apart?

 Today I came across a piece of writing that explores the reasons of why friendship ends, after reading it I felt a bit emotional. This article seemed written for me.  As if the writer knows about my restless thoughts recently.

For days, I had this big question mark floating over my head, wondering why I am losing my friends. Even the most devoted ones whom I thought will always be there for me are also joining the trend. I feel that everyone is drifting away and it seems like I am sailing alone in the darkness of a vast ocean. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what went wrong. Did I say something or did I do something that hurt and offend them?  Or did I fail to do something that I should have done? I know I am not an outgoing person and I could be boring at times. But I know I have a good heart and that I feel I don’t deserve their cold shoulders. I hate to sing my own praises but I am a friend who is always there not just in good times but in bad times as well. I never abandon a friend in need.  But where are they now when the tide turns? They seemed to disappear one by one.

The article that I’ve just read made me understand my emotional struggle. It reminds me that life is comprised of stages of different journeys.

When you start a new journey, relationships may drift apart. Some friends come along with you in your journey, while some don’t.  Do not be upset with them if they won’t come with you; for it’s not their journey. For those who do not come with you traversed a different direction.  When you and your friend no longer share something in common or now in two different places in life, closeness will slowly dissipate. Sometimes, along the way, you will meet at the crossroads and pick up the friendship again and sometimes not.  It’s nobody’s fault, that’s how life works.

But don’t worry for you will meet more people along your way that are a more suited for where you are today. And they’ll become your new friends.  Always be grateful to the friends who came with you on different parts of your journey. They were there for a purpose, to make each stage of your life meaningful. Sometimes our role in each other’s life will end, if that happens don’t be sad but cherish the good memories. No matter where you are, no matter what comes through life, keep going, do not stop the journey!

 Enjoy the voyage…

 

Saying “No” Without Guilt

Why is it that many of us find it hard to say the word “no.” We often encounter requests from others to do something for them and it is an enormous disadvantage for us not to be able to refuse.


People, who can’t say no, are putting their own health and sanity on the line. Stretching ourselves so thin trying to please everyone can oftentimes result in our own failure or worse that we break under pressure.

 But why can’t we just say “no”? According to a study, one of the main reasons why a person cannot refuse is the compassion trap- taking care of the needs of others before your own needs. Some people feel that it is easier to say “yes” rather than deal with the guilty feelings after refusing someone.  Others may say yes to avoid any conflict later on. Though some say they can’t say no simply because of the fear of hurting the feelings of the person asking a favor. 

I remember a friend who can’t say no to his friends and relatives. When any problem arises may it big or  small, he is the person to run to. He is Mr. nice guy, who would never turn you down. He is willing to lend a hand anytime; it could be money or his precious family time. After so many years he finally realized that some people were taking advantage of his kindness and generosity. So now, he learned to evaluate the situation carefully first before saying yes or no to the request.

Thus, we forget that we also have the right to refusal.  Nowadays, a person who knows how to say “no” is perceived as a person who has the strength of character and self-confidence.  The ability to say no assertively does not only earn a great deal of respect and can overcome feelings of powerlessness but also prevents negative consequence, such as feeling of guilt.

Steps to follow to avoid the feeling of guilt when you say “no”

Is it a reasonable request?

Immediately, when someone asks you a favor the first thing comes to mind is to think it through if it is reasonable or not. Does the person really need my help and why?  Am I the last resort?  Thus, look inside yourself to find the answer. If you find yourself hesitating or avoiding, this is maybe a clue that you want to refuse. If you feel cornered and notice tension or uneasy reaction in your body, this may also mean that someone is requesting something unreasonable of you.  When you do not have enough information to evaluate the request of its rationality it can make you feel uptight and confused.  

Make sure you have all the facts

You need to stress your right to ask for more information and details. Do not commit yourself to a yes or no until you have a good grasp of what is being asked of you.

Rehearse saying “no”  

Once you recognize the request and decide you do not want to do it, say no firmly and calmly. A simple “no “is enough. No ifs and buts and no frills. Though you can add a simple, straight-forward explanation of what you are feeling.  A straight to the point and simple explanation makes you sound confident, while many indirect and weak excuses portrays you as being timid and nervous and can be used against you by leaving a room for argument. Practice saying a firm “no” daily, so that it comes more naturally to you.

You don’t need to say “I’m sorry, but…”

Don’t apologize. Saying I’m sorry” frequently  just makes it sound weaker to the other person, he may be tempted to play on you the "guilty feelings" game. After you stood firm on your decision that the best thing is to say no then, there’s nothing to be sorry about.

Break the vicious cycle

Many of us are born people pleasers. The problem with this good trait is it becomes a vicious cycle. When you do some good deeds to others, you make people happy and you feel good inside. Thus the cycle keeps going, some people continue to expect things from you and you feel that it’s your duty not to disappoint them. Eventually, you become worn out, used up and taken for granted.

The best way to break this cycle is to always remember that you can never take care of anyone truthfully until you take care of yourself first. When your valuable resource is your energy, time, and emotions, knowing how to look after it is enormously important. Hence your happiness is at stake when this resource becomes depleted rapidly. Learning how to say no and allowing yourself time to analyze requests asked of you are both sensible ways to protect your well-being and you don't need to feel guilty about it. 

She did it Again!

A few months ago, I was surprised to open my Facebook account and found a familiar name in my friend request box. Though I knew the girl years ago in nursing school, I didn’t expect to ever see her again.

She used to be my friend but we had lost contact after she swindled me some years ago. I was deeply saddened and upset because I was nice to her and helped her financially many times during her needs.  I could not believe that she would stab me in the back after all the good things I’ve done for her.

What really hurts the most wasn’t the money that I’d lost but the trust, the friendship and the thought that I was so gullible for believing her words.

 The way she did it was so tricky; it’s like a work of art for a professional con artist. To think of it she was barely in her twenties. However I did move on quickly and I tried to forget everything as if it never happened because I don’t really want to live with anger in my heart.

Until one day, after seven years she found me on Facebook; she left a message saying she was glad to find me and she acknowledged what she did in the past and wants to meet me when she comes home for vacation this year. She didn’t say that she would pay me back but it seemed that’s what she was trying to imply. I was surprised she looks better now, far from that frail and skinny girl that I used to know.  She got married to an American and now lives and works in America, drives her own car and dresses up well with matching expensive jewelry.

I want to give her a second chance because sometimes people change especially when a person matures and gains wisdom through life experiences. Her words were apologetic and seemed sincere, but duh, con-artists have gift of the gab. That’s how they victimized their prey, their words sound so believable.

Anyway, in July she left a message in my inbox again saying she wants to see me and she will arrive in the Philippines in August for sure. I told her “okay, just let me know, and I am excited to see the new you.”  August and September came and gone, never heard from her, just found out she’s now back in America after a month vacation in the Philippines. She posted pictures from her vacation on her Facebook wall. I was astounded. What was she thinking? Didn’t she know that I will see her pictures? Were her words meaningless after all?

She could at least send me some lame excuses why she won’t be able to meet me this time around just to show a little respect. Then I can give her the benefit of the doubt. But probably she had no intention of seeing me again anyway.  Maybe her intention of contacting me was to display her life status now, a way of saying look at me now. I could be wrong but she left me with nothing but to speculate. I wish she did not bother me in the first place for she just stirred up an old wound she had created in the past.

She did it again, she fooled me one more time and I hate myself for allowing it to happen again. I would never trust this person anymore, I’m done with her.  I might as well unfriend her in Facebook also. All I can do now is to vent through written words, my way of letting go of the hurt feelings. After this I will move forward and forget that this event had ever happened.

Let go and let God!

Don’t Quit- An Unforgettable Poem

As I was surfing online today I came across a familiar poem, while reading it I was a bit surprised that I could recite the next lines that follow.  It was a strange feeling of déjà vu.

 The poem “Don’t Quit” was my motivation and inspiration to pursue my goal despite financial difficulties when I was in college. I had a picture postcard of the poem which I bought from the stationery store across our school.  I neatly placed it on the back of my notebook inside a plastic cover and it became my companion all throughout my college years. I remember that I would recite the poem over and over on the way home while walking from school. Occasionally glancing at the postcard when I forgot a word, soon enough I eventually memorized the entire poem without looking at the note. No wonder that the poem was so familiar to me.  

These words of wisdom had inspired me during my struggles in pursuing a degree. It had lifted my spirits up so many times when I was barely hanging on. It gave me hope to persevere and to keep going no matter how hard life was. In the end, I indeed was able to reach the finish line and acquired the most coveted prize!

Whoever wrote this poem, “Thank you” from the bottom of my heart.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill.

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns.

And many a fellow turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man.

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor’s cup.

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,

It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

A Message Through a Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
skies are blue,
and the dreams that you dare to dream
really do come true.

Yesterday, as I looked up into the sky, I was surprised to see a beautiful rainbow.  It seemed to say, “Cheer-up, life is beautiful!” 

In an instant my mood brightens up, as my eyes were feasting on this wonderful gift of nature. I realized it had been so long since the last time I’ve seen a rainbow in the sky. Certainly rainbows  show up occasionally when the key elements are there,   the raindrops and the sun. But then again, we spend so much time indoors nowadays that we oftentimes overlook to see the beautiful things taking place outdoors.  

After a few seconds of admiring the colorful rainbow, I quickly ran inside the house and grabbed my camera phone and hurried back out to take few snapshots of my treat of the day.  At that point I thought I should go outside the gate to get a good view, but before I was able to position myself for a better shot, the rainbow went away. How I wish I had a better camera at that moment to really capture its beautiful colors.

Earlier that day, I was feeling a bit down and discouraged.  I was contemplating on giving up my goal in writing again for the nth time.  The feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt always get me down.  Lately, I’ve also been missing my dad and my brother who are no longer with us. If they were still here, I know that they will always show their approval and encouragement of my endeavors.

While writing this post, I recalled that yesterday was the anniversary of my mom’s passing. Thus, thoughts came to mind that maybe my three guardian angels sent smiles from heaven through a rainbow to cheer me up and to say, "Don’t give up on your dreams!"   

Life is Great When You Have Options

Having the option of living in more than one country is certainly a good thing for our family. It became advantageous to us in many ways all through these years. My hubby is an American; my son has dual citizenship (Fil/Am), while I am a Filipino.

Since 1991, we have moved back and forth between the Philippines and the US. Sometimes it would last four years or more between each stay in each country depending on our reasons or needs of why we have to stay or go back to one country or another. This time around our goal to move back here in the Philippines is for my son to get a college education to ensure a better future for him. With the US economic problem and high unemployment rate, he really needs a good education to compete in a tight workforce. As of now he is in his fourth year in Physical Therapy.

What’s amazing with this option is that here in the Philippines we don’t need a lot of money to have a good life.  Living here, with just hubby’s monthly pension as our source of income is more than enough for all our needs and my son’s college expenses. My hubby and I don’t need to work here. Thus, we have an ample time to enjoy our hobbies. We don’t need to delve into our savings for my son’s tuition fee. If we were in the states, my husband’s retirement pension would just be enough for an apartment and utilities. Besides, with the rising cost of higher education in America, if we stayed my son would be facing an enermous tuition debt later on.  

I am certain that Philippine healthcare professionals are still being given a fair shake in America. You do not have to go back to school for more credits.  All that you have to do is a proof that you graduated in an accredited medical school and then you need to pass the boards in order to get a license and practice. I knew this because I went through the same process after I finished my nursing in the Philippines.

Isn’t it wonderful to have some options in life?  Then why not take advantage of it. 

Thoughts on Memoir Writing

I have always been fascinated with memoir writing. Lately, I have been doing lots of research about it. The valuable insights I have gained from reading the works of memoir writers have given me the confidence and desire to embark into this difficult but worthwhile journey of writing.

Though there are many compelling reasons why people want to write about their life story, for me it’s more like a personal therapy. My goal for writing is to heal an old wound and to understand myself in deeper, clearer way. Yet it has long been passed for generations; a fraught childhood still haunts me till now. I feel like I need to do something to be able to move on completely.

Many would agree that it’s unproductive to dwell on the past. Let bygones be bygones as the saying goes. However it’s easy to say especially when people have not experienced the ordeal themselves. They formed an opinion because the damage inflicted on the emotions is internal and deep. It can’t be seen by looking at the outside appearance of a person alone. As this person may be hiding behind a persona to mask his or her true feelings. Self-healing is the key. By transforming our painful life experiences into written words would once and for all unravel the hard knots it had created in our past. Only then the healing process can begin. Sometimes we are able to accept the hardships and move on from our past, but there are certain scenes in life that stick with us. These are the scenes to focus on, to put our pen to paper or our fingers to the keyboard.

Once in a while, I have second thoughts about this idea. The notion of having to recall painful memories all over again worries me.  It is harder than I thought, but if this emotionally intimidating task will be able to heal our soul in the end and can make us whole again then it’s worth all the effort.  I truly believe that it’s never too late to heal. 

So get onboard and let’s begin the journey!  

Life Experiences

Fear of driving, is one of the reasons why I was a bit unhappy living in the U.S. I tried hard to learn how to drive, but I guess some individuals are just not capable of learning the skills of driving. I went to two driving schools in the Philippines few years ago, with no success and my fear of driving even got worse. The culprit might be the instructor’s way of teaching who just hands you the key and said “okay, do it, drive” without any details, but I could also blame it to the crazy drivers on the street and bad traffic situations. There are also no decent roads to learn to drive. When you are already scared, and you are told to drive in a chaotic street, the whole situation becomes too nerve-wracking and not suited for a faint of heart like me. In other words, I have no guts and the saying goes “no guts, no glory”.

My third try was in the US in 2004, when we went back to live there for several years. My husband was my driving instructor. Our driving lessons always started with full of anticipations and ends with animosity. I always heard some advice from other wives not to let your husband teach you how to drive and I believe it now. After he yelled at me for not understanding his instructions, he could not make me get into that driver seat ever again.  I knew then that I had to get used to riding the bus for a long time.

Eventually, I did end up using public buses as my transportation every time I would go to the mall and ran errands. I even rode buses to work especially when hubby won’t be home on time to drive me to work. Although moving closer to the hospital where I worked as a nurse made my commute a lot easier, or I had to take two to three bus rides to work if we didn’t move. There were a few instances though that the bus didn’t arrive on time and I got panicked. I didn’t want to be late to work. I hated the distraught look of coworkers give you when you’re late, though some won’t say anything still I didn’t want being perceived as irresponsible and inconsiderate.  

Commuting in a public bus was not that bad, except when the weather conditions were extreme. Actually, when I was new in the country I like to ride the bus going to the mall because I enjoy looking around and getting familiarized with the new environment.

I remember the very first time I rode the bus. I was so nervous. I was going to meet hubby after work and then we were going to have a dinner and stroll around downtown Palm Springs afterwards. It was Spring break and there were lots of nice things to see around town. I was hesitant to venture on my own at first but when my hubby said that after dark people would start doing crazy things, my curiosity got me to agree. That was during the time when cellphones were only for the rich businessmen. My thought was if I get lost I won’t be able to find my way back home. So I was so careful, when the bus finally arrived I sat near the driver and explained to him my situation. I handed him the paper where my hubby sketched a little map of where should I get off and how to get to his work. The driver seemed amused at my nervousness. I was probably looking like someone who just got off the boat. Then he snickered and suddenly started talking to me in Filipino. He said, "pretty lady you could get in trouble here. I can protect you, write your name and phone number here". I didn’t want to disappoint him so I wrote my name and a fictitious phone number. When I finally got off the bus and found my husband’s whereabouts I let out a big sigh of relief.

I still wonder what the driver had in mind though, I’m guessing that he probably didn’t believe that I was going to meet hubby at Holiday Inn Hotel in Palm Springs where he worked at that time.

Anyway, going to work in a public transport is another story. I felt embarrassed and was mindful not to be seen by my coworkers. One coworker I confided was shocked, “you would look like a poor person and it’s not safe”, she said.  I didn’t really mind who’s riding the bus as long as everyone behaves appropriately. I was usually careful not to sit beside a homeless guy who hasn’t taken a shower since who knows when or near drug addict looking guy. So far, I didn’t encounter any problem. The bus drivers were also good in making passengers obey the bus rules, like one time there was an agitated drunk man making a lot of noise, the bus driver stopped the bus and let the guy get off the bus, and it was as simple as that. There is also a camera in the bus, to monitor commuters.

My lack of ability to drive didn’t stop me from living my life in the U.S. Though it somewhat made my life a little bit restricted. I grew up in a country where it’s easy to get around, wherever you want to go there is always an easy and quick way to get to your destination. When I moved to the states I felt somewhat trapped. Though there are towns or cities in the US where you can get around easily even without having a car, the places where we used to live were fairly spread out and a car is a must especially on winter and summer months.

However, this life experiences gave me the chance to mingle with people from all walks of life and opened my eyes to see the other side of America. I realized that life in the land of milk and honey is not all comfort and glamour as you see them in magazines and not everyone riding public transportation is a failure in life either.

Understanding Emotions at Midlife

At some point in time, you may experience feelings of emptiness because you feel something is missing. Sometimes this emotion is confusing because your life always seemed fine. You’ve had a decent job, devoted husband, and your kids are now up-and-coming and on their own. You’ve been successful in achieving some of your goals. Your priorities in life are in place. You should feel more complete with your life by now, but instead you’ve felt the opposite. But why do you feel this way in spite of everything? It’s like the zest of life is slowly dwindling, the excitement is not there anymore. Then you start wondering, what’s your life’s purpose here on earth. You’ve feel that there is an inner conflict that you must resolve, but don’t have any idea of what it is. At this time you’re thinking that until you solve this puzzle, you will not attain inner peace and there will always be that feeling of void. Life is indeed mysterious!

Don’t feel bad for I feel the same way as you do!

It’s confusing, isn’t it? I know how you feel for I’ve been there, had experienced the same thing. I had been through life searching and seeking for that something to fill the void like you do. I am not depressed and my faith in God is firm. So what you have in mind was not the answer to my quest. I wrote down my feelings as it would give me sense of relief from all these queries in my brain of “Who am I?”  Sometimes I asked myself, am I really the person that I am portraying or am I just acting a role. How could I find my real self? There were times I play the blame game, denouncing my shortcomings, fate and the bad decisions I made along the way which bring about this life’s enigma.  

What had I found here?

Then one day, as I was digging through some books at a second hand bookstore, I found a self-help book by Barbara Sher called “It’s only too late If You Don’t Start Now”, an inspiring book about midlife. At first I thought probably it’s about how to cope with aches and pains and how to look young at midlife. While scanning the book I realized she wasn’t talking about that, but instead, she was discussing about understanding and conquering our emotions and fears of living in our middle years and how to create a second life after 40. “It’s not too late to fulfill a dream… there are still a lot of good things ahead of you because life does not end with youth anymore and the party is just starting”, she said. So, I got curious, I bought the book.

I can’t believe it

While reading the first chapter, I was stunned! I realized she had the answer to this life’s mystery. In the first few pages of the book, she was talking about the same feeling of emptiness that I have had and the reasons why we are experiencing this emotion. The answer is in the title of the very first topic of the book, which says, “Don’t Panic, It’s only a Midlife Crisis”. What? I can’t believe it! After all those years of soul searching and self-blaming, and it’s only a midlife crisis? I thought those words are just for men. I was not really aware about what a midlife crisis was until now. Before, my attitude was I’m not interested and didn’t want to know about it. On the other hand, older people do not talk about their feelings and fears of getting old. So it’s hard to know that indeed these feelings are normal. Since no one wants to talk about it, the new midlifers won’t know what to expect when entering in their middle years.

But why do we experience this feeling of emptiness?

It’s because of fear of getting old and dread of becoming a reject, mixed-up with misguided beliefs that once you enter midlife, it’s all over. That life will be going downhill. That it’s too late to dream anymore. We assumed that the best years of our life are almost over but we wonder where the pinnacle is. It’s like watching a movie with no climax and all of the sudden the screen said “the end”. We get disappointed and we usually comment, “what, is it over already?” We were expecting more but it never happened.

It’s been etched in our brain that fun and challenges are just for the young. So we stop having fun and stop achieving. The mirror used to be our best friend, now it becomes our worst enemy because it tells the truth, that our youth and beauty are now gone forever. Of course, we always put up a good fight and when we fight it’s hard and fierce. We don’t give up our most-prized possessions that easy, though we know that this is a battle that no one wins. This becomes our inner-conflict which could not be resolve until we stop clinging to our youth for dear life.  Actually, we should be embracing our true new self, a person inside us who will stay young and beautiful forever.

 According to Barbara Sher, we are in transition, not a decline. We simply outgrow the first stage of life, now we are entering our second life, which is far more exciting than the first!  

Take your vow the show is over, but wait a minute…

All those years you were busy playing so many roles, as a loving sister, aunt, wife, and mom and so on, but as time passed by things had changed, just like a stage play the show came to an end. Your roles are over and the final curtain had fall, and because you identify yourself with the characters you portrayed for so long this sudden change left you baffled, confused and feeling betrayed. You don’t know who you are anymore. You lose your life’s direction, purpose and identity.

However you fail to see that a new curtain is opening with a new play that will soon to begin. This new play is your second life. It’s far more exciting because now you are the main character on it and your new role is to follow your heart’s deepest desire, discovering who you really are and using your amazing talents to the fullest extent possible.

Sometimes our stubborn nature hinders us from realizing that midlife is not the start of life’s decline but the beginning of a new journey, where most of the climaxes in life are going to happen. The bottom line is, don’t waste the many good years you still have ahead of you. 

According to new study women’s average lifespan now is 80 to 85. When you start thinking that your life is declining already at the age of 40 or 45, you are only halfway through your life. When you reach the age of 80 or 85, what would you be thinking then? Certainly with full of regrets, you will then realize that half of your lifetime has gone to waste.  But of course, it is also important to take care of our body and our general health to fully enjoy our future.

Well, that’s my insights about midlife, what’ yours?