My Ramblings

To be or not to be? For few days now this question has been playing in my head repeatedly. My thoughts are a mess, my spirit is low. I don’t know what triggers this sudden emotion, perhaps just plain boredom or something deeper as in midlife crisis. Out of the blue, I’m longing for change. As the lyrics of a song goes, “I guess I wanted something new in my life, a new key to fit a new door, to wake and see a different view in my life the one I've been waiting for.”

This is exactly the same feeling I had several years ago. I still remember the day I stunned my hubby, when I told him I wanted to go back to college. Actually, the original plan was to go to law school but I ended up taking nursing instead.   

Though I love the simplicity of life here in the tropics and I’m happy being away from the rat race - the feeling of being stagnant is what drives me crazy. After soul searching I came up with a plan. I should go back to the US and work for few years. Oftentimes when life is mundane and without goals, our self-esteem suffers.Our soul craves for something new, something worthwhile!

As expected, negative thoughts always interfere when you are making positive plans. The questions of “what if” are overflowing which makes me feel eager and scared at the same time. Besides I haven’t experienced being alone in a huge foreign land.  Though I had been away from hubby many times with no problem, being far from my son would be a different story. Then again I should get used to the idea, whether I like it or not, in a few more years I’ll be facing the dreaded empty nest anyway.  

Then I saw an article in yahoo news, “Who’s getting hired right now?” number one on the list is Registered Nurse. I thought maybe this is a sign from up there that I should go for my goal?  I did some research about this article in nurse’s forum and many nurses didn’t agree saying the details are incorrect and misleading. Although I believe there are jobs out there, just need to look harder and be persistent.  

My next worry is I can’t drive, how will I survive commuting during summer and winter months?  Living in a place that has good public transportation system is the only way. I know New York and San Francisco are the best places to live if you don’t drive, but I want more choices. Guess what? The next day I went to yahoo to read the news. There it was- at the front page the answer to my question, an article by Charles B. Stockdale, "The Best Cities to Live in Car Free". 

"Several factors make a city easy to live in without a car. The most important one is a widely available and efficient public transportation system. Another is having daily amenities, such as groceries, shopping, schools and entertainment, nearby and within easy reach on foot or by bicycling. The best cities have both features and 24/7 Wall St. has identified the ten best ones to live without a car…"

Is this another go signal? Sometimes we feel alone and disheartened that no one cares. Thus we oftentimes forget that there’s someone who is always listening to our worries and fears. Thank you Lord!


So, to be or not to be? What is the answer to William Shakespeare's famous first line in Hamlet? I don't know, I'll leave it all to God, I know I'll get more signs from Him when the right time comes. For now, I will just keep preparing for a possible new journey.