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Everyone Has a Story to Tell

 This story happened a long time ago, my son was only three and my nieces and nephew were just little kids. During that time, our rental house was recently bought by a new owner and we were given a month to vacate the place.

So, my husband got busy right away looking for another place for us to move. It seems he gets attracted to huge older houses with spacious yard and far from neighbors. Being an American he is used to a quiet and spacious environment. One day, after few days of house hunting on his motorcycle, he came home excited. He said to me hop on I’ll show you our new home. He was bragging on the way that the house was very nice just needed a little work.


When we got there, I was shocked, the nice house he was talking about was an old big house that needed a lot of work, and in fact you could hardly see the front view of the house because of the tall grasses and weeds all over the front yard. It looked like an abandoned house and became the neighborhood garbage dumping area. There was a for rent sign hanging at the gate. I said to myself this is a haunted house, no way I will be living in there. But my husband had convinced me that he can turn this old house into a dream home for us. After negotiating with the house caretaker (the owner moved to another town), my husband hired few guys to clean the house and the yard and painted all over inside, and did some repairs. The house turned out nice and decent looking when it was finished.


Before we moved in, our helper Amy and I cleaned the whole place again, that time I decided to climb up on the very top of the closet in the master bedroom to make sure that it is well dusted up there too. I spotted in the corner, a cardboard, I picked it up and saw some written words on it, RIP, then the name of a boy and the date of birth and the date of death, I rushed down to the trash can outside the gate and threw it as fast as I can. I don’t want Amy to see it for she might be scared and quit her job. After we moved in, life went on as usual, everybody liked our spacious new place, I had my own sewing room and my hubby had his own music room and Amy had her own room and bathroom too. We even had our little garden in our backyard. My sister and her family, which includes her husband and four kids had stayed overnight in our house occasionally especially when we have birthday parties, Christmas or when my husband would be cooking his famous bagels with mint yogurt dip. My son loved to have the cousins around. They played games and loved to explore the yard.


As days went by, I got used to the house, but that cardboard and what was written on it hounded me once in a while, I never told anyone about it even my husband. Sometimes thoughts came to mind of what really happened to the boy, and why did he die at such young age? Sometimes in the middle of the night, I woke up hearing some strange noises but I just ignored it. After two years, we decided to move back to America.

My sister and I sent each other letters all the time to keep in touch (this was during pre-email). One day, I got a letter from my sister; I eagerly opened and read it. It was a long letter (three pages or so), she was updating me about life in the Philippines and how the kids are growing so fast…. In the next page she said that her husband made a confession that he saw a ghost of a little boy in our house during one of their visits but just kept it to himself, he didn’t want us to freak out. I was grateful of his silence. Probably I had looked for another house instantaneously if he had told us about the ghost at that time.



Anyway, after reading that letter, I was still shocked and had goose bumps. He would not have made up a story like that, my brother in law is a serious, quiet type and does not joke around, he is a straight forward person and also known to have a third eye. According to his story, he woke up early, everyone was still asleep. He got up and went to the living room, sat on the couch to read yesterday’s newspaper. Behind the couch were windows overlooking our porch, he notice some movements so he looked behind his back and saw a boy smiling at him. He was wondering where this boy came from and why he is at our porch this early in the morning. How did he get in? Our gate is tall and no way a little kid can open it. So my brother in law decided to go outside to grab the boy and ask him how did he got in and where does he lives. When he got out the door he looked all over the yard the boy was gone our gate was still locked and there was no other way out. That’s when he realized that he just saw a ghost of a boy.


I always remember about that ghost boy, every now and then. My sister and I both agreed that maybe he liked it every time they come to visit us because he would hear kid’s laughter and who knows he was playing with them too. Maybe that’s the reason why he was smiling when my brother in law saw him. It was his way of saying thank you for bringing my playmates back. In my mind, something tragic happened in that house that made the whole family leave and move to a new town to start their new lives. That house was actually not that old and it was a nice house for an owner to just abandon it without any compelling reason. Whatever happened, I hope that by now the ghost boy had finally found his way to heaven.




Pangs of Envy

I've been noticing that I am slacking off in updating my blog again. So I got up early today with an intention of writing an article for my blog. But I got distracted along the way and  ended up doing my old routine, reading and admiring other people’s blogs.  

While surfing the web, I came across of some interesting and well-written blogs. I was amazed how people can come up with such fascinating topics every day. Some bloggers are undeniably talented writers. When I say this I mean individuals who started writing for fun or a hobby but then their talent shines through their writing. I am envious on their creativity in expressing emotions and ideas through words and their ability to make connections with the readers.  I admire their ability to create a compelling piece of writing that indulges a reader’s mind to ponder deeply into what they are reading and making them want to come back for more.


 I wish I could write even half as well. For the moment, I was suffering the pangs of envy. Questioning the higher power again, the why only them and not me? Why some people have been bestowed with talents and some are not.  I know I should not question God for He has reasons. But the human mind can’t help but wonder why, especially when the disparity is so obvious. I remember when I was young, there was a rich girl in our class that was the envy among the girls. She had a pretty face, danced so gracefully and sings like an angel.  At that time, I wish I was her.

In recent times, I came to terms that God had given me at least one talent and I was partly convinced that it could be in writing. So I started a blog, but I realized quickly I was not born a writer either.  I felt disheartened but then my inner voice was telling me, “Snap out of it, if you want to succeed work harder”. That means I have to read more and write more consistently to improve.  Envy is normal as long as we won’t allow it to eat us up but use it to motivate ourselves to be better. 


Mary Kay Ash once said “don't limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, you can achieve”. Wow, such powerful words…  She gave me hope!


It’s good though that I have a strong determination. I know how to persevere and don’t give up easily when it comes to reaching my goals. That’s my God-given gift!  

Why Do Men Cheat?

Nowadays, women are reexamining their spouse’s faithfulness more often than not. Even if wives trust their husbands, there are moments when thought of “what if” would comes to mind, especially when we are continuously catered with some juicy news on TV and internet of well known politicians and famous celebrities, being caught cheating on their marriage and later on shamelessly admit to having extra-marital affairs, thanks to Tiger Woods, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger to name a few.

We all know that infidelity in marriage is not just a confined to the rich and famous. In fact a lot of regular couples are also experiencing the same dilemma. We often hear whispers about someone’s illicit affairs among the loyal bystanders of the neighborhood corner stores and at work especially if the cheater is not too discreet. If you are not a gossip type of person, occasionally a friend or a relative will confide in you about her husband’s infidelity as well. One time I was taken aback when a co-worker asked me to spy on her husband’s mistress when she found out that I live close to her residence.  


Why do men cheat?
  •   Driven by desire for sexual adventure
  •  An affair can break the monotony of a contented, though ordinary, life of work, home,  wife and kids
  •  If there are difficulties in the marriage, an affair offers a realm in which there is an absence     of conflict and a new sense of control
  •   Fall in love with another person who is not his wife
  •   Some men believe having extra-marital affair is acceptable



The prime times in marriage to watch out for infidelity according to Women’s Encyclopedia of Health and Emotional Healing:

When you are newlyweds – once the honeymoon is over, some couples are shocked by the demands of partnership. They thought the high level of romance will continue indefinitely and are not prepared to deal with the realities of sharing and compromising, says Dr. Slater.

When you become parents – sexual interest usually decreases for women for the year after giving birth simply because they are exhausted most of the time. The wife often becomes focused on the baby to the extent that the husband can feel left out. It’s not uncommon for him to try to balance that by finding someone else who will focus exclusively on him.

When you are in your thirties – raising families, advancing your career and the everyday demands on your of life usually starts taking their toll when your thirty something. An affair can be a nice diversion.

When you face middle age – there are all those issues at midlife of aging and achievement. You may feel stuck in your life and begin to reevaluate what you’ve accomplished and more important, what you haven’t. An affair often seems like it can offer a new beginning.

When you’ve experienced a tragedy – after a death of a parent or a serious illness of a child, for example, people may have an affair to forget- or at least try. It’s a fantasy, almost like a vacation from despair.


Some of the signs to look for in a man who might be cheating:


  • Having a lot of unexpected or sudden events, overtime or appointments
                 
    Lack of affection or suddenly showering you with gifts (may be a sign of guilt)
                        
    Doesn't include you in his world as he used to
                        
    Conveniently unreachable when his away
             
    Sexual behavior and habits starts to change 
                  
    Hiding the cell phone or putting it on vibrate/sleeping with it.
                  
    Increase amount in cell phone bill, unfamiliar phone number popping up

    Strange phone calls but he hangs up when you’re near 
                 
    Always comes home late
                 
    Not being where he is supposed to be, like at work/gym/with friends
                 
    Finding items in the car/trunk that's not yours or his
                
    Paying extra attention in self-hygiene and appearance
                 
    Unexplained credit card charges or expenses


Don’t jump to conclusions. Make sure he is really cheating before making a confrontation because if you are accusing him wrongly it could damage your marriage as far as trust is concerned.  

Traveling Alone

Out of nowhere, I yearned for the company of love ones and missed the closeness that we used to have. Maybe because summer is here again which means family vacation, outing and having fun outside our home. Well, I am a homebody person, and I don’t go out too much but I am not a recluse either. I like trips and going to different places. I love to explore other parts of the world and to have an adventure once in a while. I know it’s not feasible unless I’ll go traveling by myself. I have nobody to tag along with me. My husband is an outgoing person but going on a vacation that requires long hours of traveling is not his thing. He likes to take long rides with his motorcycle just for the joy of riding it. My son is a teen and has other plans with friends. While my sister is always busy with her job and family. They go out a lot but with their huge clan and in-laws. We used to go on outings together when my nieces and nephew were still small. Sometimes I miss the old times but time has changed. Most of my friends are now married and just want to take vacation with their family.

I have been researching how to travel or going to places by myself, I was amazed that a lot of people do love traveling alone and some people said they have traveled on their own a lot and enjoyed it. You can even read blogs about their solo adventures. One woman recounted on her blog about her Hongkong adventure. She said she had a great time and felt safe even without a travel companion. After reading her adventure, I thought it was a good idea. Hongkong is not very far from where I live, and it’s actually not expensive to go there especially if you watch out for some promo deals. Also Hongkong is a tourist destination, so you could always join tourists from your country via guided tours. It would be easy to make friends when you already have something in common.    
  
Anyway this summer, when you really have the urge to go vacation and nobody wants to go with you, there’s no need to sulk around and indulge in self pity. You can still have fun if you are adventurous enough to go solo.  I would suggest go online and research some places that you think would be safe for you and have some interesting things to do and places to see. Perhaps you can plan one that includes activities you’re interested in, and that will put you in the company of other tourists involved in those same activities. You could sign up for some sort of hosted vacation – a guided tour, etc.

There are some websites like www.womentraveltips.com that has some good tips and ideas on how to be safe while traveling on unfamiliar places. Always use common sense, be friendly with the hotel staff and always let them know where you are going and when you expect to return. Be sure not to put yourself in a position where you would be alone with anyone. Don’t trust anybody! Socialize in public places, talk to couples, women, children and elders. Be sure to be back at your hotel in a decent time. Have fun but don't set yourself up to be a victim. In advance, decide on a "friend" name. "Joan will be right back" is better than "I'm here alone." Use good judgment and you will have a great time.

How to Fight the "I’m Too Tired Blues"


Do you struggle with low levels of energy from time to time, that doing daily house chores seem like a tedious undertaking? Sometimes you want to cook your family a good meal for dinner but you feel so tired that you end up calling for food delivery instead. You know your house needs tidying and you had that plan in your mind to reorganize and pick up the clutter before hubby and the kids come home, but instead you spend most of the day curled up like a ball under the covers. Does this sound familiar? If so, rest assured that you're not alone. According to doctors, fatigue is the most common complaint of adults seeking medical treatment and most of these are women.  


It’s definitely frustrating when we are constantly having an energy crisis. Then the feeling of guilt comes in and we blame ourselves for a lack of motivation to do the things we used to do for the family. Perhaps our body is giving us a hint that something is wrong inside us but oftentimes we ignore the warning and fatigue becomes a way of life. Take in mind that it is not normal to live feeling exhausted week after week though you are getting an adequate amount of rest. We need to be attentive to our parents as well, because older people presume that their fatigue is due to aging, therefore ignores it and will not seek medical care until physical illness becomes obvious.


 How could we reinvigorate our old self again? Why do we feel fatigue? Maybe our lifestyle or psychological problem or an underlying illness can be responsible for feeling fatigue all the time.  If we suspect it’s our lifestyle causing us the feeling of weariness, tiredness or lack of energy then we should assess our daily activities or routines to point out the culprit and to change our way of life. But if you think it’s not your lifestyle that’s making you too tired, then you need to go see a doctor for a more thorough evaluation.


Most common causes of fatigue due to lifestyle:
·         
      Crash diet/ fad diet - a type of diet that aims to produce very rapid weight loss in an extremely short period of time, often around 3-7 days. It is not a healthy way to lose weight because it concentrates on extreme calorie restriction and it deprives our body of proper nutrition. If you are on this type of diet, it will be hard for your body to function normally. It will slow down metabolism and conserve energy by making you slow down. This diet will make you lose weight but only temporarily, later on when you go back to your normal eating routine you will most likely gain the weight back and even more.

If you really want to lose weight the healthy way, why not follow a sensible diet in combination with regular exercise instead. Drink plenty of water throughout the day because dehydration is known to cause fatigue. Start your day right by eating a good breakfast every day that has a component of complex carbohydrates, protein and healthy fats.


·         Lack of exercise or inactivity - according to studies, a workout at the gym or a brisk 30-minute walk will not only improve our physical condition but will also stimulate an overall feeling of well-being. Therefore our body and mind become better able to handle the everyday emotional and physical stresses of life. Meanwhile prolonged inactivity can increased the risk of obesity and loss of muscles strength which makes us feel tired quickly.


·         Excessive physical activity - though exercise is good for our body and energizes our being, sometimes it can be addictive, over exercising can drain our energy reserves. Working long hours without enough rest can zap your energy quickly, so always listen to your body when it’s telling you to take time off.   

·         Lack of sleep6-8 hours of sleep every night is enough for most of us to feel well-rested and recharged for the next day. But remember oversleeping is as bad as not having enough sleep as well. Both can make us feel groggy and tired all day. Sometimes there are some instances when getting a good night rest is not possible, such as your job requires you to work late overtime, taking a 30 minute to 1 hour nap might save the day. Taking a nap is also good for older people who are having a hard time getting quality sleep at night. Make sure to take a nap at the same time everyday and should not be more than an hour.

·         Side effect of medications - are you taking a prescription or an over-the-counter medicine? High blood pressure medicines and cough and cold medicines are some of the common medications that can cause drowsiness. Talk to your doctor if you suspect that your medication is the reason of your fatigue so the doctor can adjust the dosage. Never stop taking prescription medication without checking with your doctor first. 

·         Alcohol use or abuse - Alcohol is a depressant. It will calm you down and not step up your energy. It can affect your central nervous system like a sedative, and can cause you to feel tired hours after you had your last drink.

·         Too much caffeine consumption - when we need a good pick me up to start our hectic day, the  first thing comes up in mind is to have a cup of coffee. Caffeine is a stimulant, drinking a moderate amount enhances an individual alertness, both physically and mentally. But over consumption of caffeine will have a rebound effect on our body.  
·      
       Smoking-     cigarette is bad for our overall health. It also inhibits the normal delivery of oxygen to tissues, which results to feeling fatigue.
·       
          Stress - stress is always a part of our everyday living. We might not be able to get away from it but there are many ways how to deal with stress. Learn better ways to relax such as yoga or meditation. When you start feeling stress, stop and take a deep breath 10 or 20 times until you start to feel relaxed. Learn how to say no, too many commitments and obligations would wear you out. Pamper yourself once in a while, have a facial and body massage, take a long bath while listening to your favorite love songs or anything you can think of that makes your heart and soul happy. Take a relaxing vacation, you deserve it.
  
Fatigue due to a psychological problem:


  •  Clinical Depression
  •   Anxiety
  •  Grief
·         
 Most common physical illnesses than can cause fatigue:


       Anemia

Underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism)

Undiagnosed Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)

Sleep apnea

Heart Disease

Diabetes


There are many diseases that can cause fatigue both psychological and physical diseases. You owe it to yourself to see your doctor for proper diagnosis and treatment.