Life Experiences

Fear of driving, is one of the reasons why I was a bit unhappy living in the U.S. I tried hard to learn how to drive, but I guess some individuals are just not capable of learning the skills of driving. I went to two driving schools in the Philippines few years ago, with no success and my fear of driving even got worse. The culprit might be the instructor’s way of teaching who just hands you the key and said “okay, do it, drive” without any details, but I could also blame it to the crazy drivers on the street and bad traffic situations. There are also no decent roads to learn to drive. When you are already scared, and you are told to drive in a chaotic street, the whole situation becomes too nerve-wracking and not suited for a faint of heart like me. In other words, I have no guts and the saying goes “no guts, no glory”.

My third try was in the US in 2004, when we went back to live there for several years. My husband was my driving instructor. Our driving lessons always started with full of anticipations and ends with animosity. I always heard some advice from other wives not to let your husband teach you how to drive and I believe it now. After he yelled at me for not understanding his instructions, he could not make me get into that driver seat ever again.  I knew then that I had to get used to riding the bus for a long time.

Eventually, I did end up using public buses as my transportation every time I would go to the mall and ran errands. I even rode buses to work especially when hubby won’t be home on time to drive me to work. Although moving closer to the hospital where I worked as a nurse made my commute a lot easier, or I had to take two to three bus rides to work if we didn’t move. There were a few instances though that the bus didn’t arrive on time and I got panicked. I didn’t want to be late to work. I hated the distraught look of coworkers give you when you’re late, though some won’t say anything still I didn’t want being perceived as irresponsible and inconsiderate.  

Commuting in a public bus was not that bad, except when the weather conditions were extreme. Actually, when I was new in the country I like to ride the bus going to the mall because I enjoy looking around and getting familiarized with the new environment.

I remember the very first time I rode the bus. I was so nervous. I was going to meet hubby after work and then we were going to have a dinner and stroll around downtown Palm Springs afterwards. It was Spring break and there were lots of nice things to see around town. I was hesitant to venture on my own at first but when my hubby said that after dark people would start doing crazy things, my curiosity got me to agree. That was during the time when cellphones were only for the rich businessmen. My thought was if I get lost I won’t be able to find my way back home. So I was so careful, when the bus finally arrived I sat near the driver and explained to him my situation. I handed him the paper where my hubby sketched a little map of where should I get off and how to get to his work. The driver seemed amused at my nervousness. I was probably looking like someone who just got off the boat. Then he snickered and suddenly started talking to me in Filipino. He said, "pretty lady you could get in trouble here. I can protect you, write your name and phone number here". I didn’t want to disappoint him so I wrote my name and a fictitious phone number. When I finally got off the bus and found my husband’s whereabouts I let out a big sigh of relief.

I still wonder what the driver had in mind though, I’m guessing that he probably didn’t believe that I was going to meet hubby at Holiday Inn Hotel in Palm Springs where he worked at that time.

Anyway, going to work in a public transport is another story. I felt embarrassed and was mindful not to be seen by my coworkers. One coworker I confided was shocked, “you would look like a poor person and it’s not safe”, she said.  I didn’t really mind who’s riding the bus as long as everyone behaves appropriately. I was usually careful not to sit beside a homeless guy who hasn’t taken a shower since who knows when or near drug addict looking guy. So far, I didn’t encounter any problem. The bus drivers were also good in making passengers obey the bus rules, like one time there was an agitated drunk man making a lot of noise, the bus driver stopped the bus and let the guy get off the bus, and it was as simple as that. There is also a camera in the bus, to monitor commuters.

My lack of ability to drive didn’t stop me from living my life in the U.S. Though it somewhat made my life a little bit restricted. I grew up in a country where it’s easy to get around, wherever you want to go there is always an easy and quick way to get to your destination. When I moved to the states I felt somewhat trapped. Though there are towns or cities in the US where you can get around easily even without having a car, the places where we used to live were fairly spread out and a car is a must especially on winter and summer months.

However, this life experiences gave me the chance to mingle with people from all walks of life and opened my eyes to see the other side of America. I realized that life in the land of milk and honey is not all comfort and glamour as you see them in magazines and not everyone riding public transportation is a failure in life either.

Understanding Emotions at Midlife

At some point in time, you may experience feelings of emptiness because you feel something is missing. Sometimes this emotion is confusing because your life always seemed fine. You’ve had a decent job, devoted husband, and your kids are now up-and-coming and on their own. You’ve been successful in achieving some of your goals. Your priorities in life are in place. You should feel more complete with your life by now, but instead you’ve felt the opposite. But why do you feel this way in spite of everything? It’s like the zest of life is slowly dwindling, the excitement is not there anymore. Then you start wondering, what’s your life’s purpose here on earth. You’ve feel that there is an inner conflict that you must resolve, but don’t have any idea of what it is. At this time you’re thinking that until you solve this puzzle, you will not attain inner peace and there will always be that feeling of void. Life is indeed mysterious!

Don’t feel bad for I feel the same way as you do!

It’s confusing, isn’t it? I know how you feel for I’ve been there, had experienced the same thing. I had been through life searching and seeking for that something to fill the void like you do. I am not depressed and my faith in God is firm. So what you have in mind was not the answer to my quest. I wrote down my feelings as it would give me sense of relief from all these queries in my brain of “Who am I?”  Sometimes I asked myself, am I really the person that I am portraying or am I just acting a role. How could I find my real self? There were times I play the blame game, denouncing my shortcomings, fate and the bad decisions I made along the way which bring about this life’s enigma.  

What had I found here?

Then one day, as I was digging through some books at a second hand bookstore, I found a self-help book by Barbara Sher called “It’s only too late If You Don’t Start Now”, an inspiring book about midlife. At first I thought probably it’s about how to cope with aches and pains and how to look young at midlife. While scanning the book I realized she wasn’t talking about that, but instead, she was discussing about understanding and conquering our emotions and fears of living in our middle years and how to create a second life after 40. “It’s not too late to fulfill a dream… there are still a lot of good things ahead of you because life does not end with youth anymore and the party is just starting”, she said. So, I got curious, I bought the book.

I can’t believe it

While reading the first chapter, I was stunned! I realized she had the answer to this life’s mystery. In the first few pages of the book, she was talking about the same feeling of emptiness that I have had and the reasons why we are experiencing this emotion. The answer is in the title of the very first topic of the book, which says, “Don’t Panic, It’s only a Midlife Crisis”. What? I can’t believe it! After all those years of soul searching and self-blaming, and it’s only a midlife crisis? I thought those words are just for men. I was not really aware about what a midlife crisis was until now. Before, my attitude was I’m not interested and didn’t want to know about it. On the other hand, older people do not talk about their feelings and fears of getting old. So it’s hard to know that indeed these feelings are normal. Since no one wants to talk about it, the new midlifers won’t know what to expect when entering in their middle years.

But why do we experience this feeling of emptiness?

It’s because of fear of getting old and dread of becoming a reject, mixed-up with misguided beliefs that once you enter midlife, it’s all over. That life will be going downhill. That it’s too late to dream anymore. We assumed that the best years of our life are almost over but we wonder where the pinnacle is. It’s like watching a movie with no climax and all of the sudden the screen said “the end”. We get disappointed and we usually comment, “what, is it over already?” We were expecting more but it never happened.

It’s been etched in our brain that fun and challenges are just for the young. So we stop having fun and stop achieving. The mirror used to be our best friend, now it becomes our worst enemy because it tells the truth, that our youth and beauty are now gone forever. Of course, we always put up a good fight and when we fight it’s hard and fierce. We don’t give up our most-prized possessions that easy, though we know that this is a battle that no one wins. This becomes our inner-conflict which could not be resolve until we stop clinging to our youth for dear life.  Actually, we should be embracing our true new self, a person inside us who will stay young and beautiful forever.

 According to Barbara Sher, we are in transition, not a decline. We simply outgrow the first stage of life, now we are entering our second life, which is far more exciting than the first!  

Take your vow the show is over, but wait a minute…

All those years you were busy playing so many roles, as a loving sister, aunt, wife, and mom and so on, but as time passed by things had changed, just like a stage play the show came to an end. Your roles are over and the final curtain had fall, and because you identify yourself with the characters you portrayed for so long this sudden change left you baffled, confused and feeling betrayed. You don’t know who you are anymore. You lose your life’s direction, purpose and identity.

However you fail to see that a new curtain is opening with a new play that will soon to begin. This new play is your second life. It’s far more exciting because now you are the main character on it and your new role is to follow your heart’s deepest desire, discovering who you really are and using your amazing talents to the fullest extent possible.

Sometimes our stubborn nature hinders us from realizing that midlife is not the start of life’s decline but the beginning of a new journey, where most of the climaxes in life are going to happen. The bottom line is, don’t waste the many good years you still have ahead of you. 

According to new study women’s average lifespan now is 80 to 85. When you start thinking that your life is declining already at the age of 40 or 45, you are only halfway through your life. When you reach the age of 80 or 85, what would you be thinking then? Certainly with full of regrets, you will then realize that half of your lifetime has gone to waste.  But of course, it is also important to take care of our body and our general health to fully enjoy our future.

Well, that’s my insights about midlife, what’ yours?

The Wonders of Cats

Some individuals considered themselves cat people, dog people, both or neither. As for me I love cats and dogs alike. I remember when I was a kid I used to bring home every single cat and dog I found on the street. I remember my sister hated the critters and we had squabbles over it all the time. Sometimes these cats and dogs are helpless and vulnerable to human abuse, so it’s up to us who are animal lovers to step up and protect them. I adore both but hubby does not like cats at all, so we only have a dog as a pet.  I have already written about my dog so this post is more about cats.

Cats are independent, unpredictable, mysterious, and reckless. Observe a cat’s behavior and personality, and you’ll find loads of amusing contents to post in your blog. I’ve been reading blogs for a long time but one particular post I read a few days ago made me laugh hard and shed tears at the same time.  That blog was about a story of a ferocious guard cat. The blogger was telling the story in a very humorous way.

Sometimes your feline misbehaves and you get upset, but then when your cat gives you the endearing look and meowing and purring … it’s over, everything is forgiven. They do things that can get them in trouble. Just like my hubby’s friend, Rick has a cat that has been mysteriously stuck on the neighbor’s roof for several weeks now. That cat likes to be on a higher ground. His favorite place for retreat in the house is on top of the refrigerator.  But there are things around the house that allows him to jump on top of the fridge. Nobody can figure out though how the cat got into the roof of a two storey house when there are no trees, ledges or anything that a cat can climb up. Now the cat does not know how to get back down. Rick throws foods on the roof everyday, so the cat will not die of hunger while he is trying to come up of ideas how to bring the cat down. He said he is thinking of having a customized ladder made, long enough to reach the roof. Meanwhile the cat has adapted to his new world. Every afternoon when the sun goes down he perches on the edge of the roof where he can watch people passing by. 


On the other hand, the poor cat becomes the neighborhood’s cure for boredom. It’s like a real life drama unfolding before their very eyes. Across the street is a sari-sari store (convenience store), where there are chairs and tables. Neighbors gather there in the afternoon for socializing and drinking their favorite beverages.  It is also a good spot to watch the interaction between the cat on the roof and his master. The neighbors are eagerly watching what would happen next.

newly dumped kittens

Another thing about cats in the Philippines is that some people do not want to spend money to have their cat spayed or neutered. That’s the reason why there are so many stray cats around. It so common here that when cats had litter of kittens, the owner would keep one or two of the cutest ones then dump the rest in an empty lot in the neighborhood. Either the kittens die due to hunger and nature’s bad elements or survive and become vagrant cats.  I live near an empty lot where people dump kittens. 

Every time I see new victims of animal cruelty, I feel obligated to help them survive until strong enough to be on their own. Every day I bring some food to those kittens and put a box near them so that they have a place to hide when it’s raining. If I won’t do this I know they will die, and then I’ll feel guilty for not acting.  In our neighborhood homeless cats are almost wild. They survive through scavenging in the trash, catching birds, rats, fish in the nearby drainage ditch and so on. However, they seem to be doing fine.

Home Remedies for Back Pain

Yesterday, my hubby told me that a good friend and his wife are coming over to our house this week for a visit. We had been to their house two months ago. They were gracious hosts and their home was very welcoming.  I thought I had to do some house cleaning before the visit to make sure our place would feel cozy and inviting to our upcoming guests. I had not thoroughly cleaned the house for a while so it would be good motivation for me to do this chore.

However, I have a tendency to become an obsessive-compulsive person when it comes to cleaning the house. The clean up is not done until I dust all over, like behind the fridge, at the back of entertainment center, couch and so on. Though the guests would not see those areas and they will just stay to visit for probably two hours, overdoing it is unnecessary. However, I don’t feel reassured until the house is squeaky clean so I kept going and going like the energizer bunny. I was so exhausted when I finished and my back hurt badly. I then remember the nursing interventions for back pain I used on my patients during my nursing days. I listed them below. It was time to utilize them on myself and today my back feels much better. I will go to the Blind Massage Clinic at the mall in a little while to have a whole body massage. It’s time to pamper myself!

Simple remedies for mild back pain:

• Soak in a tub with warm water for half an hour if possible.
• Take an over- the - counter pain medication, such as acetaminophen or ibuprofen to help alleviate the pain.
• Ask hubby to give you a back massage with the use of herbal oil or ointment.
• Lie down on firm mattress with a heating pad underneath the painful area.
• Use a small pillow under your head and large pillow under your knees for a most comfortable position.
• Complete bed rest for 24 to 72 hours if possible.

Simple tips to prevent back Pain:

• Strengthen abdominal and back muscles by doing regular exercises such as walking, swimming and bicycling.
• Avoid heavy lifting, if you can't avoid it use proper body mechanics such as bending your knees when picking up the object.
• Push large objects, don’t pull them
• Maintain correct body posture at all times 
• When working in a computer, sit in a firm chair with a supportive back.
• Try not to sit in one position for a long time. Stand up and stretch at least once in every 30 minutes.
• To avoid housework related back pain. Follow these simple tips:

When doing dishes – open the cubbyhole door under the sink and keeping one leg elevated on the ledge.

When ironing – rest one foot on a box or a step stool.

When vacuuming – bend your knees and move your feet slowly rather than jerking them forward and back

See a physician as soon as possible if:

• Back pain is severe or recurring, or if it follows an accident
• The pain radiates into hip or leg  
• Backache is associated with bowel or urinary problems  

Hope these tips help... more next time!