Understanding Emotions at Midlife

At some point in time, you may experience feelings of emptiness because you feel something is missing. Sometimes this emotion is confusing because your life always seemed fine. You’ve had a decent job, devoted husband, and your kids are now up-and-coming and on their own. You’ve been successful in achieving some of your goals. Your priorities in life are in place. You should feel more complete with your life by now, but instead you’ve felt the opposite. But why do you feel this way in spite of everything? It’s like the zest of life is slowly dwindling, the excitement is not there anymore. Then you start wondering, what’s your life’s purpose here on earth. You’ve feel that there is an inner conflict that you must resolve, but don’t have any idea of what it is. At this time you’re thinking that until you solve this puzzle, you will not attain inner peace and there will always be that feeling of void. Life is indeed mysterious!

Don’t feel bad for I feel the same way as you do!

It’s confusing, isn’t it? I know how you feel for I’ve been there, had experienced the same thing. I had been through life searching and seeking for that something to fill the void like you do. I am not depressed and my faith in God is firm. So what you have in mind was not the answer to my quest. I wrote down my feelings as it would give me sense of relief from all these queries in my brain of “Who am I?”  Sometimes I asked myself, am I really the person that I am portraying or am I just acting a role. How could I find my real self? There were times I play the blame game, denouncing my shortcomings, fate and the bad decisions I made along the way which bring about this life’s enigma.  

What had I found here?

Then one day, as I was digging through some books at a second hand bookstore, I found a self-help book by Barbara Sher called “It’s only too late If You Don’t Start Now”, an inspiring book about midlife. At first I thought probably it’s about how to cope with aches and pains and how to look young at midlife. While scanning the book I realized she wasn’t talking about that, but instead, she was discussing about understanding and conquering our emotions and fears of living in our middle years and how to create a second life after 40. “It’s not too late to fulfill a dream… there are still a lot of good things ahead of you because life does not end with youth anymore and the party is just starting”, she said. So, I got curious, I bought the book.

I can’t believe it

While reading the first chapter, I was stunned! I realized she had the answer to this life’s mystery. In the first few pages of the book, she was talking about the same feeling of emptiness that I have had and the reasons why we are experiencing this emotion. The answer is in the title of the very first topic of the book, which says, “Don’t Panic, It’s only a Midlife Crisis”. What? I can’t believe it! After all those years of soul searching and self-blaming, and it’s only a midlife crisis? I thought those words are just for men. I was not really aware about what a midlife crisis was until now. Before, my attitude was I’m not interested and didn’t want to know about it. On the other hand, older people do not talk about their feelings and fears of getting old. So it’s hard to know that indeed these feelings are normal. Since no one wants to talk about it, the new midlifers won’t know what to expect when entering in their middle years.

But why do we experience this feeling of emptiness?

It’s because of fear of getting old and dread of becoming a reject, mixed-up with misguided beliefs that once you enter midlife, it’s all over. That life will be going downhill. That it’s too late to dream anymore. We assumed that the best years of our life are almost over but we wonder where the pinnacle is. It’s like watching a movie with no climax and all of the sudden the screen said “the end”. We get disappointed and we usually comment, “what, is it over already?” We were expecting more but it never happened.

It’s been etched in our brain that fun and challenges are just for the young. So we stop having fun and stop achieving. The mirror used to be our best friend, now it becomes our worst enemy because it tells the truth, that our youth and beauty are now gone forever. Of course, we always put up a good fight and when we fight it’s hard and fierce. We don’t give up our most-prized possessions that easy, though we know that this is a battle that no one wins. This becomes our inner-conflict which could not be resolve until we stop clinging to our youth for dear life.  Actually, we should be embracing our true new self, a person inside us who will stay young and beautiful forever.

 According to Barbara Sher, we are in transition, not a decline. We simply outgrow the first stage of life, now we are entering our second life, which is far more exciting than the first!  

Take your vow the show is over, but wait a minute…

All those years you were busy playing so many roles, as a loving sister, aunt, wife, and mom and so on, but as time passed by things had changed, just like a stage play the show came to an end. Your roles are over and the final curtain had fall, and because you identify yourself with the characters you portrayed for so long this sudden change left you baffled, confused and feeling betrayed. You don’t know who you are anymore. You lose your life’s direction, purpose and identity.

However you fail to see that a new curtain is opening with a new play that will soon to begin. This new play is your second life. It’s far more exciting because now you are the main character on it and your new role is to follow your heart’s deepest desire, discovering who you really are and using your amazing talents to the fullest extent possible.

Sometimes our stubborn nature hinders us from realizing that midlife is not the start of life’s decline but the beginning of a new journey, where most of the climaxes in life are going to happen. The bottom line is, don’t waste the many good years you still have ahead of you. 

According to new study women’s average lifespan now is 80 to 85. When you start thinking that your life is declining already at the age of 40 or 45, you are only halfway through your life. When you reach the age of 80 or 85, what would you be thinking then? Certainly with full of regrets, you will then realize that half of your lifetime has gone to waste.  But of course, it is also important to take care of our body and our general health to fully enjoy our future.

Well, that’s my insights about midlife, what’ yours?