Looking Back on Life

I would certainly agree that time flies when you’re having fun.

It dawned on me that in two month’s time, five years have gone by since we moved back from the U.S. to the Philippines. I’ve realized that this could mean our long vacation is dwindling down and soon we’ll have to face life’s challenges once again.

I can still remember the day when I said my goodbyes to co-nurses at work five years ago. Their reactions to my departure were a mix of yay and nay; some were envious but happy for me while others thought I was crazy for giving up a prosperous career. Nonetheless deep inside I felt proud, I may not own houses, expensive cars and other material possessions as my overachiever co-workers do but I am not stuck in a lifestyle. I have options and freedom to live life as I pleased.

The memory seems like yesterday, when the family had finally embarked into a taxi that would take us to Las Vegas McCarran International Airport. That day was hard and tense. We thought we would not finish everything we wanted to do, but we made it, “barely”. Hubby was the last one out of the shower and was still putting his shoes on when the taxi driver knocked at the door. We had been rushing hard everyday for a month or two getting ready for the move, packing, getting rid of the things we can’t take with us, preparing our travel documents, acquiring my son’s school transcript, talking to the school principal and so on. The list of things to do seemed to never end. Then two days before the trip we had to drive from Las Vegas to L.A. just to obtain our dog’s travel papers at the Philippine Consulate. She’s part of the family, we can’t leave her behind.

Anyway, I can still remember that big sigh of relief, the feeling of joy and the high fives we gave each other as the taxi’s door had finally closed behind us and the wheels started to roll. The feeling was awesome. It was a hallmark that part of our life’s journey has come to an end and a new beginning is on its way. It was one of our happiest moments. We just had enough living life in the rat race. Though we’ve been grateful for all the blessings, it was time to say goodbye.

As of the moment we love our laid-back life here in the tropics. Far from the hustle and bustle and definitely poles apart from the previous one. How I wish we could just stay here forever. But then again we have to stick to the plan, to go back to America when my son finishes college. Two years from now he will be ready to face adult life. Hubby and I want to be on his side until he’ll become self-sufficient.

I wish in two years’ time the economy won’t be as bad as it is now. Still I thought that it is wise to lay out a plan and use time wisely from now on because time passes quickly as we know.

Hubby keeps telling me not to worry. “well cross that bridge when we get there” as he always says. But for me I want to be prepared for whatever lies ahead. Though nurses are still doing okay in the U.S. I want to furnish myself with more skills that are computer related. I also have to brush up on my nursing skills.

However focusing on these goals could mean spending less time on blogging. Though I love to write as much as I can, I need to prioritize things from now on. I will still post here every now and then but this blog may take the backburner for a while.

Learn to Love Yourself First

Oftentimes we give too much of ourselves to others while putting our own needs at the bottom of the list. As a dedicated mom and wife, attending to the needs of our family including their whims and wants becomes a routine. We want to make our loved ones happy and comfortable, so we do nice things for them at will. Unconsciously we neglect our own desires and well-being.

There’s nothing wrong with pampering our family, though what’s not right is giving our all and not leaving anything for ourselves. We may enjoy giving love unselfishly but if we keep giving and not receiving back, this will eventually make us feel burnt-out, resentful and feeling unloved in the end.

I love to take care of my family the best I can and without any gripes. For so long it’s their needs first and mine last. I really have no problem with it. My son and hubby are very much able to take care of themselves and I still do all the things for them. I don’t hold a job at the moment; hence I have lots of time to give. However when I started to not feel my best a few days ago, I could not help but ponder that it would be nice to receive care from others once in a while. I thought it would be nice just to do nothing all day and just be lazy.

The knot on my shoulder has been bothering me for four days now. It’s causing me pain on my neck and my back and gives me a headache. At first I thought it will go away the next day. But it didn’t even after taking pain meds. Today I can’t seem to ignore it anymore because aside from the previous symptoms I’m beginning to have a fever, achy muscles and low energy. I don’t get sick too often but when I do I felt self-pity. Then I get emotional. It must be the inner child within me begging some attention and a little love.

I am not used to being sick. As a healthcare provider I am used to be the one providing care not the one receiving it. But my physical discomfort has been telling me to stop with the nonsense. So I decided to lie down and rest. My hubby gave me a massage and squeezed the knot on my shoulder a few times and told me to rest all day.

I’ve realized that we should learn to love ourselves also because if we don’t who else will? I also  recognized that it is not selfish to take care of ourselves first once in a while and that we are worthy to receive pampering from others as well.

The world will never end if we don’t do house chores for a day or two. Dust under the bed would not suffocate us if we don’t sweep it everyday. Our family will not turn scraggy looking if we don’t prepare elaborate meal at every dinner time.

I am supposed to do my grocery shopping today, it has to wait for another day. For today it’s all about me… I’ll be resting all day and nurse myself back to health.

Happy Love Month everyone!