What is Halloween?

Halloween is a yearly tradition observed on October 31st. I didn’t really know what Halloween was until I lived in the US and experienced it first-hand.

When this festivity is just around the corner, the first thing you’ve noticed is that stores and malls have huge display of Halloween costumes for both children and adults and even for your beloved pets.

Traditionally, Halloween costumes are patterned after scary figures such as monsters, ghosts, skeletons, witches, and devils. Over time, the costume selection extended to include popular cartoon characters, celebrities, superheroes, princes, princesses and anything that goes beyond your imagination and creativity.

The feeling of an eerie atmosphere can be felt in the air as people would embellished their yards, porches and front doors with Halloween decors and props to achieve the scariest look and feel.  Americans decorate their houses with scarecrows, witches, spider webs, skeletons, skulls, etc., with illuminated strings of lights in orange and purple at night.

You will see pumpkin patches all over town, a place that sell pumpkins of different shapes and sizes. It is an important element of the tradition; people will carve them to make jack-o’-lanterns. Placing lighted pumpkins known as jack-o'-lanterns in the window is a way of welcoming children dressed up in Halloween costumes for trick or treating.

Every household has to make sure that they have plenty of chocolates and candies to give for the trick or treaters who would come knocking at the door on the evening of Halloween. It would not be fun to have some naughty kids to play tricks on you, so be prepared for the giveaway treats.

For our family tradition on Halloween dinner, we always have pumpkin pies topped with vanilla ice cream for dessert.  At first I was trying to bake the pie myself but it came out soggy, so the following year we just bought a fresh baked pumpkin pie at the bakery instead. It’s the best-selling pastry during Halloween so bakeries always bake plenty. Then some leftover pie would be perfect for your morning coffee the next day.  Just the thought of it, makes me miss pumpkin pie, I can’t buy it here where I am now.

Usually when there are less trick or treaters than what you’ve expected it means more chocolates leftovers, mostly my son and I would have weeks supply of this treat.

Common activities you can do during Halloween:

Trick-or-treating

 Attending costume parties,

 Carving jack-o'-lanterns

 Bonfires

 Apple bobbing

Visiting haunted attractions

 Playing pranks

 Telling scary stories

 Watching horror films

photos credit: MorgueFile

The Writer

Recently, I came across a blog that I became fascinated with. The blogger’s name was Sue and her blog was called “The Writer”.

For me, she has the right to that "title", for her blog speaks for itself. I became a fan. I read her posts one by one, enjoying each and every words. I like her poetic style of writing and I admire how well she writes, simple yet so passionate. I know the work of a gifted writer because when I read it, it affects me.  I can feel the emotions and sincerity that oftentimes I get carried away. When I write I sometimes imitate their style unconsciously. However my own ineptness often shows. It reminds me to slow down a bit; I am not ready to write at that level yet.  

My nineteen year old son, who is my reluctant editor scolds me at times, “Mom, don’t use these words” he said. “But why not, I like to use beautiful words?” I asked. “You are not a poet, leave them to the real poets” was his reply. Ouch, even my own flesh and blood…

Anyway, back to Sue. I can’t get enough of her writings so I kept going back to her blog. I had it bookmarked. One day, as I was reading a few of her posts, I realized she was talking about a life that is soon to be over. In other words, I wonder if she was dying (I have a hard time writing the D word), and her blog was her way of expressing her feelings, a way to relax and to forget what’s imminent? One of her post called “The Droplet” the excerpt goes…

“It was there, clinging on to the edge of the leaf and was about to fall, fall into the little puddle of water below. Yes, the droplet was ready to give up and surrender its existence to the little puddle below. But something made it cling on, just that little bit longer.”

I am not sure if she is the original author of this or if she posted it because she only wanted to express her feelings at the moment. I saw two bloggers who posted this on their blogs as well and seemed to claim that they wrote it. They titled it “The Droplet and the Ripple”.

Here’s another excerpt from one of her post…

“I write because it allows me to cheat death at least for one more day, to proclaim in my own little, tiny, fleeting voice that everyone can be a beacon, can be a light in the planes of bleakness, and can Shepard their brothers through the valley of darkness.” 

After reading this post, I was stunned. I felt a little eeriness and maybe my gut feeling is true that I am reading a dead woman’s blog. Though you can’t find a hint of anger or self-pity in her words, she seemed bidding for an extension of time, a few more days of life. I noticed her last post was May 2009.

On her picture she looks like in mid-twenties. One of her posts was written expressing love for her man. I feel sad for both of them.  I feel sad for her blog “The Writer” for I would not see new posts that I admire and enjoy reading ever again.

I hope my intuition is wrong. I hope she’s just busy starting a great career and raising a young family and too busy to spend time blogging. I hope she’s well and fine!

Why do Friends Drift Apart?

 Today I came across a piece of writing that explores the reasons of why friendship ends, after reading it I felt a bit emotional. This article seemed written for me.  As if the writer knows about my restless thoughts recently.

For days, I had this big question mark floating over my head, wondering why I am losing my friends. Even the most devoted ones whom I thought will always be there for me are also joining the trend. I feel that everyone is drifting away and it seems like I am sailing alone in the darkness of a vast ocean. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what went wrong. Did I say something or did I do something that hurt and offend them?  Or did I fail to do something that I should have done? I know I am not an outgoing person and I could be boring at times. But I know I have a good heart and that I feel I don’t deserve their cold shoulders. I hate to sing my own praises but I am a friend who is always there not just in good times but in bad times as well. I never abandon a friend in need.  But where are they now when the tide turns? They seemed to disappear one by one.

The article that I’ve just read made me understand my emotional struggle. It reminds me that life is comprised of stages of different journeys.

When you start a new journey, relationships may drift apart. Some friends come along with you in your journey, while some don’t.  Do not be upset with them if they won’t come with you; for it’s not their journey. For those who do not come with you traversed a different direction.  When you and your friend no longer share something in common or now in two different places in life, closeness will slowly dissipate. Sometimes, along the way, you will meet at the crossroads and pick up the friendship again and sometimes not.  It’s nobody’s fault, that’s how life works.

But don’t worry for you will meet more people along your way that are a more suited for where you are today. And they’ll become your new friends.  Always be grateful to the friends who came with you on different parts of your journey. They were there for a purpose, to make each stage of your life meaningful. Sometimes our role in each other’s life will end, if that happens don’t be sad but cherish the good memories. No matter where you are, no matter what comes through life, keep going, do not stop the journey!

 Enjoy the voyage…

 

Saying “No” Without Guilt

Why is it that many of us find it hard to say the word “no.” We often encounter requests from others to do something for them and it is an enormous disadvantage for us not to be able to refuse.


People, who can’t say no, are putting their own health and sanity on the line. Stretching ourselves so thin trying to please everyone can oftentimes result in our own failure or worse that we break under pressure.

 But why can’t we just say “no”? According to a study, one of the main reasons why a person cannot refuse is the compassion trap- taking care of the needs of others before your own needs. Some people feel that it is easier to say “yes” rather than deal with the guilty feelings after refusing someone.  Others may say yes to avoid any conflict later on. Though some say they can’t say no simply because of the fear of hurting the feelings of the person asking a favor. 

I remember a friend who can’t say no to his friends and relatives. When any problem arises may it big or  small, he is the person to run to. He is Mr. nice guy, who would never turn you down. He is willing to lend a hand anytime; it could be money or his precious family time. After so many years he finally realized that some people were taking advantage of his kindness and generosity. So now, he learned to evaluate the situation carefully first before saying yes or no to the request.

Thus, we forget that we also have the right to refusal.  Nowadays, a person who knows how to say “no” is perceived as a person who has the strength of character and self-confidence.  The ability to say no assertively does not only earn a great deal of respect and can overcome feelings of powerlessness but also prevents negative consequence, such as feeling of guilt.

Steps to follow to avoid the feeling of guilt when you say “no”

Is it a reasonable request?

Immediately, when someone asks you a favor the first thing comes to mind is to think it through if it is reasonable or not. Does the person really need my help and why?  Am I the last resort?  Thus, look inside yourself to find the answer. If you find yourself hesitating or avoiding, this is maybe a clue that you want to refuse. If you feel cornered and notice tension or uneasy reaction in your body, this may also mean that someone is requesting something unreasonable of you.  When you do not have enough information to evaluate the request of its rationality it can make you feel uptight and confused.  

Make sure you have all the facts

You need to stress your right to ask for more information and details. Do not commit yourself to a yes or no until you have a good grasp of what is being asked of you.

Rehearse saying “no”  

Once you recognize the request and decide you do not want to do it, say no firmly and calmly. A simple “no “is enough. No ifs and buts and no frills. Though you can add a simple, straight-forward explanation of what you are feeling.  A straight to the point and simple explanation makes you sound confident, while many indirect and weak excuses portrays you as being timid and nervous and can be used against you by leaving a room for argument. Practice saying a firm “no” daily, so that it comes more naturally to you.

You don’t need to say “I’m sorry, but…”

Don’t apologize. Saying I’m sorry” frequently  just makes it sound weaker to the other person, he may be tempted to play on you the "guilty feelings" game. After you stood firm on your decision that the best thing is to say no then, there’s nothing to be sorry about.

Break the vicious cycle

Many of us are born people pleasers. The problem with this good trait is it becomes a vicious cycle. When you do some good deeds to others, you make people happy and you feel good inside. Thus the cycle keeps going, some people continue to expect things from you and you feel that it’s your duty not to disappoint them. Eventually, you become worn out, used up and taken for granted.

The best way to break this cycle is to always remember that you can never take care of anyone truthfully until you take care of yourself first. When your valuable resource is your energy, time, and emotions, knowing how to look after it is enormously important. Hence your happiness is at stake when this resource becomes depleted rapidly. Learning how to say no and allowing yourself time to analyze requests asked of you are both sensible ways to protect your well-being and you don't need to feel guilty about it. 

She did it Again!

A few months ago, I was surprised to open my Facebook account and found a familiar name in my friend request box. Though I knew the girl years ago in nursing school, I didn’t expect to ever see her again.

She used to be my friend but we had lost contact after she swindled me some years ago. I was deeply saddened and upset because I was nice to her and helped her financially many times during her needs.  I could not believe that she would stab me in the back after all the good things I’ve done for her.

What really hurts the most wasn’t the money that I’d lost but the trust, the friendship and the thought that I was so gullible for believing her words.

 The way she did it was so tricky; it’s like a work of art for a professional con artist. To think of it she was barely in her twenties. However I did move on quickly and I tried to forget everything as if it never happened because I don’t really want to live with anger in my heart.

Until one day, after seven years she found me on Facebook; she left a message saying she was glad to find me and she acknowledged what she did in the past and wants to meet me when she comes home for vacation this year. She didn’t say that she would pay me back but it seemed that’s what she was trying to imply. I was surprised she looks better now, far from that frail and skinny girl that I used to know.  She got married to an American and now lives and works in America, drives her own car and dresses up well with matching expensive jewelry.

I want to give her a second chance because sometimes people change especially when a person matures and gains wisdom through life experiences. Her words were apologetic and seemed sincere, but duh, con-artists have gift of the gab. That’s how they victimized their prey, their words sound so believable.

Anyway, in July she left a message in my inbox again saying she wants to see me and she will arrive in the Philippines in August for sure. I told her “okay, just let me know, and I am excited to see the new you.”  August and September came and gone, never heard from her, just found out she’s now back in America after a month vacation in the Philippines. She posted pictures from her vacation on her Facebook wall. I was astounded. What was she thinking? Didn’t she know that I will see her pictures? Were her words meaningless after all?

She could at least send me some lame excuses why she won’t be able to meet me this time around just to show a little respect. Then I can give her the benefit of the doubt. But probably she had no intention of seeing me again anyway.  Maybe her intention of contacting me was to display her life status now, a way of saying look at me now. I could be wrong but she left me with nothing but to speculate. I wish she did not bother me in the first place for she just stirred up an old wound she had created in the past.

She did it again, she fooled me one more time and I hate myself for allowing it to happen again. I would never trust this person anymore, I’m done with her.  I might as well unfriend her in Facebook also. All I can do now is to vent through written words, my way of letting go of the hurt feelings. After this I will move forward and forget that this event had ever happened.

Let go and let God!