Looking Back on Life

I would certainly agree that time flies when you’re having fun.

It dawned on me that in two month’s time, five years have gone by since we moved back from the U.S. to the Philippines. I’ve realized that this could mean our long vacation is dwindling down and soon we’ll have to face life’s challenges once again.

I can still remember the day when I said my goodbyes to co-nurses at work five years ago. Their reactions to my departure were a mix of yay and nay; some were envious but happy for me while others thought I was crazy for giving up a prosperous career. Nonetheless deep inside I felt proud, I may not own houses, expensive cars and other material possessions as my overachiever co-workers do but I am not stuck in a lifestyle. I have options and freedom to live life as I pleased.

The memory seems like yesterday, when the family had finally embarked into a taxi that would take us to Las Vegas McCarran International Airport. That day was hard and tense. We thought we would not finish everything we wanted to do, but we made it, “barely”. Hubby was the last one out of the shower and was still putting his shoes on when the taxi driver knocked at the door. We had been rushing hard everyday for a month or two getting ready for the move, packing, getting rid of the things we can’t take with us, preparing our travel documents, acquiring my son’s school transcript, talking to the school principal and so on. The list of things to do seemed to never end. Then two days before the trip we had to drive from Las Vegas to L.A. just to obtain our dog’s travel papers at the Philippine Consulate. She’s part of the family, we can’t leave her behind.

Anyway, I can still remember that big sigh of relief, the feeling of joy and the high fives we gave each other as the taxi’s door had finally closed behind us and the wheels started to roll. The feeling was awesome. It was a hallmark that part of our life’s journey has come to an end and a new beginning is on its way. It was one of our happiest moments. We just had enough living life in the rat race. Though we’ve been grateful for all the blessings, it was time to say goodbye.

As of the moment we love our laid-back life here in the tropics. Far from the hustle and bustle and definitely poles apart from the previous one. How I wish we could just stay here forever. But then again we have to stick to the plan, to go back to America when my son finishes college. Two years from now he will be ready to face adult life. Hubby and I want to be on his side until he’ll become self-sufficient.

I wish in two years’ time the economy won’t be as bad as it is now. Still I thought that it is wise to lay out a plan and use time wisely from now on because time passes quickly as we know.

Hubby keeps telling me not to worry. “well cross that bridge when we get there” as he always says. But for me I want to be prepared for whatever lies ahead. Though nurses are still doing okay in the U.S. I want to furnish myself with more skills that are computer related. I also have to brush up on my nursing skills.

However focusing on these goals could mean spending less time on blogging. Though I love to write as much as I can, I need to prioritize things from now on. I will still post here every now and then but this blog may take the backburner for a while.

Why do Friends Drift Apart?

 Today I came across a piece of writing that explores the reasons of why friendship ends, after reading it I felt a bit emotional. This article seemed written for me.  As if the writer knows about my restless thoughts recently.

For days, I had this big question mark floating over my head, wondering why I am losing my friends. Even the most devoted ones whom I thought will always be there for me are also joining the trend. I feel that everyone is drifting away and it seems like I am sailing alone in the darkness of a vast ocean. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what went wrong. Did I say something or did I do something that hurt and offend them?  Or did I fail to do something that I should have done? I know I am not an outgoing person and I could be boring at times. But I know I have a good heart and that I feel I don’t deserve their cold shoulders. I hate to sing my own praises but I am a friend who is always there not just in good times but in bad times as well. I never abandon a friend in need.  But where are they now when the tide turns? They seemed to disappear one by one.

The article that I’ve just read made me understand my emotional struggle. It reminds me that life is comprised of stages of different journeys.

When you start a new journey, relationships may drift apart. Some friends come along with you in your journey, while some don’t.  Do not be upset with them if they won’t come with you; for it’s not their journey. For those who do not come with you traversed a different direction.  When you and your friend no longer share something in common or now in two different places in life, closeness will slowly dissipate. Sometimes, along the way, you will meet at the crossroads and pick up the friendship again and sometimes not.  It’s nobody’s fault, that’s how life works.

But don’t worry for you will meet more people along your way that are a more suited for where you are today. And they’ll become your new friends.  Always be grateful to the friends who came with you on different parts of your journey. They were there for a purpose, to make each stage of your life meaningful. Sometimes our role in each other’s life will end, if that happens don’t be sad but cherish the good memories. No matter where you are, no matter what comes through life, keep going, do not stop the journey!

 Enjoy the voyage…

 

Life Experiences

Fear of driving, is one of the reasons why I was a bit unhappy living in the U.S. I tried hard to learn how to drive, but I guess some individuals are just not capable of learning the skills of driving. I went to two driving schools in the Philippines few years ago, with no success and my fear of driving even got worse. The culprit might be the instructor’s way of teaching who just hands you the key and said “okay, do it, drive” without any details, but I could also blame it to the crazy drivers on the street and bad traffic situations. There are also no decent roads to learn to drive. When you are already scared, and you are told to drive in a chaotic street, the whole situation becomes too nerve-wracking and not suited for a faint of heart like me. In other words, I have no guts and the saying goes “no guts, no glory”.

My third try was in the US in 2004, when we went back to live there for several years. My husband was my driving instructor. Our driving lessons always started with full of anticipations and ends with animosity. I always heard some advice from other wives not to let your husband teach you how to drive and I believe it now. After he yelled at me for not understanding his instructions, he could not make me get into that driver seat ever again.  I knew then that I had to get used to riding the bus for a long time.

Eventually, I did end up using public buses as my transportation every time I would go to the mall and ran errands. I even rode buses to work especially when hubby won’t be home on time to drive me to work. Although moving closer to the hospital where I worked as a nurse made my commute a lot easier, or I had to take two to three bus rides to work if we didn’t move. There were a few instances though that the bus didn’t arrive on time and I got panicked. I didn’t want to be late to work. I hated the distraught look of coworkers give you when you’re late, though some won’t say anything still I didn’t want being perceived as irresponsible and inconsiderate.  

Commuting in a public bus was not that bad, except when the weather conditions were extreme. Actually, when I was new in the country I like to ride the bus going to the mall because I enjoy looking around and getting familiarized with the new environment.

I remember the very first time I rode the bus. I was so nervous. I was going to meet hubby after work and then we were going to have a dinner and stroll around downtown Palm Springs afterwards. It was Spring break and there were lots of nice things to see around town. I was hesitant to venture on my own at first but when my hubby said that after dark people would start doing crazy things, my curiosity got me to agree. That was during the time when cellphones were only for the rich businessmen. My thought was if I get lost I won’t be able to find my way back home. So I was so careful, when the bus finally arrived I sat near the driver and explained to him my situation. I handed him the paper where my hubby sketched a little map of where should I get off and how to get to his work. The driver seemed amused at my nervousness. I was probably looking like someone who just got off the boat. Then he snickered and suddenly started talking to me in Filipino. He said, "pretty lady you could get in trouble here. I can protect you, write your name and phone number here". I didn’t want to disappoint him so I wrote my name and a fictitious phone number. When I finally got off the bus and found my husband’s whereabouts I let out a big sigh of relief.

I still wonder what the driver had in mind though, I’m guessing that he probably didn’t believe that I was going to meet hubby at Holiday Inn Hotel in Palm Springs where he worked at that time.

Anyway, going to work in a public transport is another story. I felt embarrassed and was mindful not to be seen by my coworkers. One coworker I confided was shocked, “you would look like a poor person and it’s not safe”, she said.  I didn’t really mind who’s riding the bus as long as everyone behaves appropriately. I was usually careful not to sit beside a homeless guy who hasn’t taken a shower since who knows when or near drug addict looking guy. So far, I didn’t encounter any problem. The bus drivers were also good in making passengers obey the bus rules, like one time there was an agitated drunk man making a lot of noise, the bus driver stopped the bus and let the guy get off the bus, and it was as simple as that. There is also a camera in the bus, to monitor commuters.

My lack of ability to drive didn’t stop me from living my life in the U.S. Though it somewhat made my life a little bit restricted. I grew up in a country where it’s easy to get around, wherever you want to go there is always an easy and quick way to get to your destination. When I moved to the states I felt somewhat trapped. Though there are towns or cities in the US where you can get around easily even without having a car, the places where we used to live were fairly spread out and a car is a must especially on winter and summer months.

However, this life experiences gave me the chance to mingle with people from all walks of life and opened my eyes to see the other side of America. I realized that life in the land of milk and honey is not all comfort and glamour as you see them in magazines and not everyone riding public transportation is a failure in life either.