Online Friendships: Friends Without Faces

Do you find it difficult to open up to others? Were there times when you needed to tell someone your inner thoughts and feelings but didn't have the guts to do so? If so, then have comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

But then, what could be the reasons behind your reluctance to open up? It could be a fear of being ignored, being misjudged or perceived as weak, or simply not wanting to burden others with your problem. It could be something that stems from way back during childhood when your voice and feelings were not given importance by people around you. Thus you grew up not learning how to open up or trust others with your feelings.

However, with technology, others have found new ways to get things off their chest. Those who have a hard time sharing their thoughts and feelings with others personally may have no problem sharing them online. They open up to people whom they haven't met and do not know personally but have common problems with. They would rather pour out their heart and soul online anonymously. No wonder that a lot of social networking sites and online forums are thriving nowadays.

It's because many people find ease in knowing that their struggle is also someone else’s struggle. That they’re not alone and others have been down the same road. They feel like they found someone who truly understands them and thus online friendships may grow in time.

Friends Without Faces

by Thomas Teague

We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens,

We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.

With our mouse, we roam, through the rooms in a maze,

Looking for something or someone as we sit in a daze.

We chat with each other, we type all our woes,

Small groups, we do form and gang up on our foes.

We wait for somebody, to type out our name,

We want recognition, but it is always the same.

We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt,

In IMs we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.

We do form friendships, - but - why we don't know

 But some of these friendships will flourish and grow.

Why is it on screen, we can be bold,

Telling our secrets, that have never been told.

Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind,

With those we can't see, as though we were blind.

The answer is simple, it is clear as a bell.

We all have our problems and need someone to tell.

We can't tell "real" people, but tell someone we must,

So we turn to the 'puter and to those we can trust.

Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains,

They are Friends Without Faces and odd little names.

 

 

Life

Life moves pretty fast.

If you don't stop and look around once in a while,

you could miss it.

- Ferris Bueller

Courage

Life shrinks

or expands

in proportion to one's 

courage.

                                   -Anais Nim


Courage
 is simply the willingness to be afraid 
and act anyway.

                                                                  -Dr. Robert Anthony

Army Navy: Finally Mexican Food is Here

Since moving to the Philippines nearly six years ago, my family has been missing a lot of things from way back in the good old USA. One of them being able to have Mexican food (burritos, tacos, quesadillas, etc.) any time you crave for it. 

In the city where we live now, finding a place that serves authentic Mexican food is a hard task. Although in the past, there were a few restaurants who would start their business with the claim of serving Mexican food. But each time, our excitement would turn into disappointment as soon as we found out that the food is more for a Filipino taste than a Mexican flavor.

However, recently a fast food chain called Army Navy came to town. Their menu combines great burgers, tacos, burritos  and a few other Mexican food items.

My son and I decided to eat there the day after christmas. It is our yearly tradition to go out and shop after christmas as "mother and son bonding time". My son already ate there a week ago and suggested that I should try it.

We ordered burritos and tacos. Though I wasn't expecting much as I had a lot of disappointments in the past, I was surprised the food was excellent. Especially the burritos! There's a genuine Mexican flavor to them. It wasn't the best Mexican food I have ever eaten but it was good. I'll go back there again and next time I'll try their quesadillas.

This is good... but what I had in mind was a crunchy Fish Taco placed in a  fresh corn tortilla  covered with fresh lettuce, drizzled with lime juice and  topped with green salsa.  Then finished off the meal with an icy Horchata! Yummy... my favorite!

If you happen to visit Philippines and looking for a good place to eat, try Army Navy. Here in Davao city, you can find them in Abreeza Mall and also in SM Premier Lanang.

Wedding Rings: A Heartbreaking Day

A wedding ring is a gift and a promise of eternal love and fidelity.

So, as a wife how would you feel if suddenly your husband announces that he lost his wedding ring? My hubby just did that this morning. He said he wasn’t aware how it happened and when and where. He just noticed that it’s gone. We looked hard for it all over the house but to no avail. Our best guess is that it slipped off his finger unknowingly somewhere during one of his travels. The ring was a little loose as he lost some weight lately.

Losing a wedding ring is a sad and heartbreaking experience in life. However it is not unusual incidence, a lot of people lose their wedding rings after years, months, days or even after few hours of marriage. To ease the sadness and guilt, most couples will get a replacement and make the day special by going out to a romantic dinner, a nice trip, renewing their vows, etc. Then everyone will move on.

However for my husband and I, a replacement is not the same. The original wedding ring had tremendous sentimental value attached to it already. It’s part of our history.  It can never be replaced. We’ve been married for 22 years now. All those years we’ve never taken them off except on a very few occasions like when polishing them once a year and other rare instances were you have to remove it temporarily for safety reasons.

Even if I still have my wedding ring and I’m still wearing it, I can’t help not to feel sad thinking of the lost ring on which my name and our wedding date was engraved onto it. Every time I look at my wedding ring it feels strange. I feel like something has changed forever. It’s hard to describe my feelings. Sometimes I think to just take it off and put it somewhere safe so I won’t keep thinking of the lost one.

Then I remember that three years from now will be our silver wedding anniversary. That would be a perfect occasion to give each other a silver anniversary ring.

By having something to look forward to, would help ease the sadness. As others would say, what you've lose is just a material thing.

So how would you feel if this happen to you? What would be your reaction? How would you ease the sadness?

Why You Must Follow Your Dreams

When we were young, we had thoughts of who we were going to be when we grow up. 

Like other young girls, becoming a ballet dancer was my very first childhood dream. There's something magical about ballerinas, that girls are trying to be like them. Perhaps, it's the dazzling costumes and the pointe shoes or maybe the grace, beauty and elegance that goes with it.

I had a lot of ambitious dreams when I was young such as joining a beauty competition, becoming an actress or perhaps a flight stewardess. Until one day my daydreaming galore went to a standstill when a critic (a.k.a. cousin) found out about my secret fantasies. She laughed out loud and said to me with such determination, “you couldn't be one of those, you lack the height ..." I didn't want to hear what else she had to say.

As a dreamer, criticism could not stop me to keep on dreaming. As I grew older I tried to be more realistic in choosing what I really wanted to be… I could either be a teacher, an accountant or maybe a nun.

A few years after finishing college, I had difficulty settling into a good career. I thought I might not have known my life's true purpose. So I sent a letter to a nunnery to ask questions of what I needed to do to become one of them. After a year or more since the inquiries, three nuns came to town to finally meet me. Unfortunately, they showed up a bit too late. They came on the day after I got married. It was clear then that living in a monastery and wearing a habit wasn’t my destiny after all. For I eventually became a nurse.

It took me many years to finally figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. Nowadays, I am pursuing another passion which is "writing". I love to write about life and hopefully my writings will inspire others. Someday, I would love to write my own memoir or an inspirational book! But first things first, I want to become a better writer.

We should not stop dreaming and must always pursue our true passions because our efforts may lead us in finding the true meaning of happiness and contentment in life.

Oftentimes life gets in a way and pushes us into another direction farther away from what we really want to be. We get sidetracked and give up following our true longings. Do you wonder why there’s too many people who are unhappy with their lives despite being successful in their careers? Success doesn't satisfy a burning emptiness inside them because they lost sight of their inner passions and something that truly matters in their life.

Do you know that "all dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them"? One of my favorite quotes from Walt Disney.

But don't forget to follow the dream that you truly desire. Hence,  later on you can honestly say "I have no regrets in life".

Good luck and happy dreaming!

Looking Back on Life

I would certainly agree that time flies when you’re having fun.

It dawned on me that in two month’s time, five years have gone by since we moved back from the U.S. to the Philippines. I’ve realized that this could mean our long vacation is dwindling down and soon we’ll have to face life’s challenges once again.

I can still remember the day when I said my goodbyes to co-nurses at work five years ago. Their reactions to my departure were a mix of yay and nay; some were envious but happy for me while others thought I was crazy for giving up a prosperous career. Nonetheless deep inside I felt proud, I may not own houses, expensive cars and other material possessions as my overachiever co-workers do but I am not stuck in a lifestyle. I have options and freedom to live life as I pleased.

The memory seems like yesterday, when the family had finally embarked into a taxi that would take us to Las Vegas McCarran International Airport. That day was hard and tense. We thought we would not finish everything we wanted to do, but we made it, “barely”. Hubby was the last one out of the shower and was still putting his shoes on when the taxi driver knocked at the door. We had been rushing hard everyday for a month or two getting ready for the move, packing, getting rid of the things we can’t take with us, preparing our travel documents, acquiring my son’s school transcript, talking to the school principal and so on. The list of things to do seemed to never end. Then two days before the trip we had to drive from Las Vegas to L.A. just to obtain our dog’s travel papers at the Philippine Consulate. She’s part of the family, we can’t leave her behind.

Anyway, I can still remember that big sigh of relief, the feeling of joy and the high fives we gave each other as the taxi’s door had finally closed behind us and the wheels started to roll. The feeling was awesome. It was a hallmark that part of our life’s journey has come to an end and a new beginning is on its way. It was one of our happiest moments. We just had enough living life in the rat race. Though we’ve been grateful for all the blessings, it was time to say goodbye.

As of the moment we love our laid-back life here in the tropics. Far from the hustle and bustle and definitely poles apart from the previous one. How I wish we could just stay here forever. But then again we have to stick to the plan, to go back to America when my son finishes college. Two years from now he will be ready to face adult life. Hubby and I want to be on his side until he’ll become self-sufficient.

I wish in two years’ time the economy won’t be as bad as it is now. Still I thought that it is wise to lay out a plan and use time wisely from now on because time passes quickly as we know.

Hubby keeps telling me not to worry. “well cross that bridge when we get there” as he always says. But for me I want to be prepared for whatever lies ahead. Though nurses are still doing okay in the U.S. I want to furnish myself with more skills that are computer related. I also have to brush up on my nursing skills.

However focusing on these goals could mean spending less time on blogging. Though I love to write as much as I can, I need to prioritize things from now on. I will still post here every now and then but this blog may take the backburner for a while.

Learn to Love Yourself First

Oftentimes we give too much of ourselves to others while putting our own needs at the bottom of the list. As a dedicated mom and wife, attending to the needs of our family including their whims and wants becomes a routine. We want to make our loved ones happy and comfortable, so we do nice things for them at will. Unconsciously we neglect our own desires and well-being.

There’s nothing wrong with pampering our family, though what’s not right is giving our all and not leaving anything for ourselves. We may enjoy giving love unselfishly but if we keep giving and not receiving back, this will eventually make us feel burnt-out, resentful and feeling unloved in the end.

I love to take care of my family the best I can and without any gripes. For so long it’s their needs first and mine last. I really have no problem with it. My son and hubby are very much able to take care of themselves and I still do all the things for them. I don’t hold a job at the moment; hence I have lots of time to give. However when I started to not feel my best a few days ago, I could not help but ponder that it would be nice to receive care from others once in a while. I thought it would be nice just to do nothing all day and just be lazy.

The knot on my shoulder has been bothering me for four days now. It’s causing me pain on my neck and my back and gives me a headache. At first I thought it will go away the next day. But it didn’t even after taking pain meds. Today I can’t seem to ignore it anymore because aside from the previous symptoms I’m beginning to have a fever, achy muscles and low energy. I don’t get sick too often but when I do I felt self-pity. Then I get emotional. It must be the inner child within me begging some attention and a little love.

I am not used to being sick. As a healthcare provider I am used to be the one providing care not the one receiving it. But my physical discomfort has been telling me to stop with the nonsense. So I decided to lie down and rest. My hubby gave me a massage and squeezed the knot on my shoulder a few times and told me to rest all day.

I’ve realized that we should learn to love ourselves also because if we don’t who else will? I also  recognized that it is not selfish to take care of ourselves first once in a while and that we are worthy to receive pampering from others as well.

The world will never end if we don’t do house chores for a day or two. Dust under the bed would not suffocate us if we don’t sweep it everyday. Our family will not turn scraggy looking if we don’t prepare elaborate meal at every dinner time.

I am supposed to do my grocery shopping today, it has to wait for another day. For today it’s all about me… I’ll be resting all day and nurse myself back to health.

Happy Love Month everyone!

Taking Care of Blogger’s Block

I desperately need to write a new post for my blog but my mind won’t cooperate. I am feeling exhausted and lacking inspiration.

Maybe I just haven’t gotten my groove back yet, a long busy holiday season and some trivial problems encountered along the way made my concentration go off to the wayside.

It drained my creative juices dry. Though I consider this as a minor setback and every blogger has to go through it once in a while. A writer’s block or blogger’s block as they call it, can be frustrating but nothing to worry for this too shall come to pass.

Meanwhile, I have to do something to get my focus back onto my blog. As bloggers we can’t afford to wait for inspiration to come to us, we have to look for it. I noticed when I am trying too hard to come up of something to write, ideas seem elusive. So maybe taking a break from my normal routine would clear the cobwebs out of my brain and help me free from blogger’s block.

What’s the use of wasting my precious time staring at the blank screen of my computer monitor when I can use it to enjoy the quietness of my atmosphere? Taking a nap sounds pretty good right now, or maybe listening to a relaxing music while perched on my comfy recliner. For a change, I will enjoy life for the moment being lazy and worry free.

Tonight I will let hubby cook dinner, while I will be sitting in the porch enjoying the evening breeze and let my mind wander. Who knows my Chihuahua may even join me. Sometimes we devote all of our time to our family’s needs that we neglect our own soul's desires. For this very reason I may be in the hiatus for a while or I may be back quickly. It depends on how long I will have to persuade my creative soul back.

I’ll be back for sure!

Would you Accept a Peace Offering?

It was a Saturday night and the doorbell rang. I opened the gate and I was surprised to see a young man and woman smiling at me. The man was holding two containers of food. “Good evening” they said, “we have a birthday party next door we thought of bringing you some food to share.”


I was taken aback by their friendliness and didn’t know how to react to the situation. Besides, I don’t even know these people and they don’t know me either. Although I recognized their faces, for I saw them all the time when I peeked through my bedroom window late at night at the neighbor’s yard next to ours.


They had awakened me many times at night with their excessive talking and laughing that would get louder and louder as the night progressed, a clue that they had too much to drink. Most of the time they pollute our living room with their cigarette smoke. It made me upset because the smell does not only gives me a headache but it could possibly irritates my airways and aggravate my asthma. There were more or less ten people in the group, one of them is the neighbor’s daughter and the rest are her friends.

At first, I thought they were just celebrating for she just came back home after a year of stay in America. My clue was the streamer that says “ Welcome Home” well-displayed in their front yard. However she’s been here for almost two months now but the late night parties had not stopped, instead it turned into a regular event. They seem like night owls and the neighbor’s yard became their favorite place to hang out.

 this place seems so quiet and peaceful... but wait until the sun goes down and the scene will drastically change

These men and women look well-educated and came from well-off families. They are around mid to late twenties. But I don’t understand why they’re acting like bunch of immature teenagers and seemingly lack of concern for other people’s feelings. I’d lost my patience a few times, I banged the window really loud when they were laughing repeatedly on top of their lungs at twelve o’clock midnight. They were startled and got quiet for a while but once they get intoxicated they seemed not to care anymore.
 

Anyway, that Saturday night two members of the clique were standing in front of me who appeared to be in different personas. They acted respectful, meek and friendly, persuading me to accept the food they brought as a kind of a peace offering…
 

All of a sudden I was facing a dilemma. I wasn’t prepared from this unexpected twist of event. But I needed to make a quick decision, to accept the peace offering or not. If I won’t accept, I may be perceived as rude and hard to please. However if I accept, it would mean truce and everything is forgiven. At that time, I wasn’t ready for a truce in fact I was preparing for war. I had been video recording some of their late night uproars as evidence to show when I’ll go file a complaint at the home owners association.

 

But then again the thoughts and humble gestures they showed me that night made me change my stance. They didn’t say sorry for disturbing me and my family for so many nights but their actions say it all. I could not help not to smile back and thanked them for the food. After I accepted it they were so appreciative and thanked me a few times, which still made me wonder what that “thank you meant”. Was it mean thanks for accepting the apology?
 

When my husband found out about it, he could not believed what I did.  “Why did you accept it? You should have thrown it in their faces”, he said. Well, easy to say but hard to do.
 

That night the party went on up to 2 a.m. and as usual it was loud. But we had to be tolerant for it’s a birthday party nonetheless.
 
The great thing about it though that they seemed to disappear after that night. It’s been more than two weeks since then. I have not seen any of the neighbor’s daughter’s friends yet. I was even expecting for a big hurrah on Christmas and New Years Day but it didn’t happen. None of them showed up not even a soul. YAY… It seemed that peace offering means " thank you and goodbye!"

It’s so peaceful and quiet again. I’ve been enjoying it. Mostly I love the quality sleeps I’ve been having nightly now. Finally, I can start writing again. How long this serenity would last? I don’t know, only the future will tell, but as of now I am enjoying the moments!

A Butterfly Encounter

Recently, I had an amazing experience with a butterfly that left me wondering what that encounter could have meant. I've lived most of my life in the tropics where the sight of a butterfly is a common occurrence but that day my experience with it was quite unique. I wish I had a camera nearby to capture the captivating moment.

One sunny afternoon as I was doing my laundry in our laundry area outside the house, I saw from out of nowhere a light brown/orange butterfly flying towards me. When it got nearer it flew around me a few times, so close that it almost touched my face. Though a bit surprised, I tried to remain still and watched what it will do next. Then the unexpected happened, the tiny beautiful creature landed on my left hand. At first I was not sure what it was doing. I looked at it closely and realized that it seemed drinking water from my wet hand. I could not believe what I saw, I never thought a butterfly could that be friendly and so trusting.

My fascination grew while witnessing the butterfly using it’s proboscis, a long straw-like structure it uses to suck the nectar of a flower, only this time it was sipping the moisture out of my wet hand, I felt a little tickle every time it touches my hand. After three to four sips it moved to my right palm and did the same thing but this time after each sip it turns until it completed a full circle turn then it flew around me again a few times before it fluttered away and disappeared.

Since then, I've been wondering what does that experience signifies. I had to check the web and found out that it’s not unusual for a butterfly to land on people. In fact I saw on YouTube a video of a butterfly drinking sugar water in a person's hand. What's unique with my experience though was I didn't woo it, for it came to me. The movement  it did to create a circle seemed unusual. Also if the butterfly was thirsty there was plenty of water on the ground for it rained the night before. The area where I was is not a common place for butterflies to hang around for there are no plants nearby. That really made me wonder if the butterfly was sent to convey a message.

Nonetheless the lucky chosen ones have their own special stories to tell with varied interpretations of their experiences. Some believes it to be mystical such as a spirit of a loved one visiting or conveying a message, a sign of good luck or a bad omen and so on, while others say it is just a chance encounter with nature nothing more nothing less.

For me, I considered it a magical moment, my first close encounter with this amazing creature of God had occurred in a moment that I needed something to lift my spirit up. For days I was feeling so down and had never felt so alone in my life. The butterfly came in time to cheer me up and reminds me that there are beautiful days ahead. The butterfly visit gave me a feeling of calmness and joy. I feel blessed!

Childhood Memory

 
I had a frustrating morning today, the culprit- my memory failing me. I forgot to buy bread yesterday when I was at the grocery store.


So early this morning, I had to go to several specialty bakeshops in the vicinity just to find whole wheat bread. My son is trying to lose weight, and only eats two slices of whole wheat toast with peanut butter and a glass of milk for his breakfast meal. But why do I need to tell you about this incident? The reason - it triggers a trip down memory lane.



Nonetheless, the early morning bread dilemma reminds me of my childhood and prompts me to share it here. This childhood event happened when I was around nine years old. Though I hate recalling painful experiences, there are moral lessons to be learned. 

Pandesal

The story centers on a bread called pandesal or salt bread. This bread is made of flour, yeast, eggs, sugar, and salt. In the Philippines,Pandesal is traditionally served for breakfast as is or accompanied by such items as butter, cheese, scrambled eggs, jams, jellies, peanut butter, etc. with coffee, tea or hot chocolate.

For most families, the breakfast table is not complete without pandesal. Most bakeries bake them at dawn and their patrons expect hot and tasty pandesal in every morning.


My stepmother and my then three year old half-sister liked them as their morning treats as well. My stepmom put aside fifty centavos every day for pandesal, so she and her daughter could have this fresh-baked bread for breakfast. Nobody else could eat the pandesal but the two of them. For fifty centavos you’d get six pieces.


My younger sister, who was then seven years old, was the errand girl. However, every time she came back from the bakery, she had to deal with a punishment. The reason being, she was tempted to eat a piece of bread. Our stepmother strictly ordered not to eat nor take a bite of it. But how could you blame a young child of not resisting such a treat, when her growling stomach has been tormenting her for some food and nourishment.


As always, my stepmom would drag my sister inside a room and I would hear her little cries of pain and the seemingly endless cursing from our stepmom. I felt bad for my little sister; for she would not be allowed to have breakfast and had to do extra chores that day. Sometimes, I wished I could give her some advice but then again I was also just a kid like her. In that house, as kids we don’t talk, we don’t say anything. We were like walking little zombies.


But where was my dad during this time, who was supposed to be there to protect his little children? Well, he left and went to another town to seek an overseas job. He promised that when he came back he would have lots of money and life would be happy again.


One day, our stepmother decided to delegate the duty to me instead. She finally had enough of my sister not following her orders. I was a little worried. Then I realized I enjoyed the morning walk, as I would see people along the way. It was great to feel some fresh air after being in a dungeon-like situation for so long. A few minutes of freedom were great too. I enjoyed the different scenes of life outside; I could hear real happy laughter and not just laughs of our stepmother which I thought were comparable to the laugh of a bad guy in a movie who was getting ready to formulate an evil plan. I could day dream along the way and be away from the harsh reality for few minutes.


However, once I had the bag of mouthwatering bread in my hand, the real torture begins. But I was so determined not to follow my sister’s fate.


At an early age, I learned the meaning of self-discipline and willpower. It seemed a voice on my right would say “eat just one piece of bread, it’s really tasty and good and would ease your hunger”, while on the other side a voice would opposed, “don’t do it it’s not worth the punishment and shame you would get later on.”

my sister, a friend and me (finally smiling again)
Taken a few weeks after we left our stepmom's place.

Usually, I would count the bread hoping the seller had made an error and put one extra piece of bread in the paper bag. Sometimes I would silently pray, “Please, God just one piece”, while watching the seller puts the bread in the bag.


Each morning was a struggle. Thus, I quickly learned some tricks along the way on how to ignore the temptation. I would sing happy songs or I busied my thoughts into a daydream while walking back home. At times I imagined that one day when I grow up and have money of my own, I will buy plenty of pandesal and just eat them till my heart’s content.


Every time I reached the entrance of our place, I felt proud; giving me a pat on the back. Feeling relieved that the most dreaded task of the day was done. Thus, as a child it wasn’t easy being helpless and to worry endlessly with the thought that one day I will weaken and get lured into the bait, and not able to resist the temptation to take a hearty bite into the forbidden bread.


But God knows the perfect timing. He knows when you are barely hanging at the end of the rope and ready to fall. He would be there in time to rescue you!

My Ramblings

To be or not to be? For few days now this question has been playing in my head repeatedly. My thoughts are a mess, my spirit is low. I don’t know what triggers this sudden emotion, perhaps just plain boredom or something deeper as in midlife crisis. Out of the blue, I’m longing for change. As the lyrics of a song goes, “I guess I wanted something new in my life, a new key to fit a new door, to wake and see a different view in my life the one I've been waiting for.”

This is exactly the same feeling I had several years ago. I still remember the day I stunned my hubby, when I told him I wanted to go back to college. Actually, the original plan was to go to law school but I ended up taking nursing instead.   

Though I love the simplicity of life here in the tropics and I’m happy being away from the rat race - the feeling of being stagnant is what drives me crazy. After soul searching I came up with a plan. I should go back to the US and work for few years. Oftentimes when life is mundane and without goals, our self-esteem suffers.Our soul craves for something new, something worthwhile!

As expected, negative thoughts always interfere when you are making positive plans. The questions of “what if” are overflowing which makes me feel eager and scared at the same time. Besides I haven’t experienced being alone in a huge foreign land.  Though I had been away from hubby many times with no problem, being far from my son would be a different story. Then again I should get used to the idea, whether I like it or not, in a few more years I’ll be facing the dreaded empty nest anyway.  

Then I saw an article in yahoo news, “Who’s getting hired right now?” number one on the list is Registered Nurse. I thought maybe this is a sign from up there that I should go for my goal?  I did some research about this article in nurse’s forum and many nurses didn’t agree saying the details are incorrect and misleading. Although I believe there are jobs out there, just need to look harder and be persistent.  

My next worry is I can’t drive, how will I survive commuting during summer and winter months?  Living in a place that has good public transportation system is the only way. I know New York and San Francisco are the best places to live if you don’t drive, but I want more choices. Guess what? The next day I went to yahoo to read the news. There it was- at the front page the answer to my question, an article by Charles B. Stockdale, "The Best Cities to Live in Car Free". 

"Several factors make a city easy to live in without a car. The most important one is a widely available and efficient public transportation system. Another is having daily amenities, such as groceries, shopping, schools and entertainment, nearby and within easy reach on foot or by bicycling. The best cities have both features and 24/7 Wall St. has identified the ten best ones to live without a car…"

Is this another go signal? Sometimes we feel alone and disheartened that no one cares. Thus we oftentimes forget that there’s someone who is always listening to our worries and fears. Thank you Lord!


So, to be or not to be? What is the answer to William Shakespeare's famous first line in Hamlet? I don't know, I'll leave it all to God, I know I'll get more signs from Him when the right time comes. For now, I will just keep preparing for a possible new journey.

What is Halloween?

Halloween is a yearly tradition observed on October 31st. I didn’t really know what Halloween was until I lived in the US and experienced it first-hand.

When this festivity is just around the corner, the first thing you’ve noticed is that stores and malls have huge display of Halloween costumes for both children and adults and even for your beloved pets.

Traditionally, Halloween costumes are patterned after scary figures such as monsters, ghosts, skeletons, witches, and devils. Over time, the costume selection extended to include popular cartoon characters, celebrities, superheroes, princes, princesses and anything that goes beyond your imagination and creativity.

The feeling of an eerie atmosphere can be felt in the air as people would embellished their yards, porches and front doors with Halloween decors and props to achieve the scariest look and feel.  Americans decorate their houses with scarecrows, witches, spider webs, skeletons, skulls, etc., with illuminated strings of lights in orange and purple at night.

You will see pumpkin patches all over town, a place that sell pumpkins of different shapes and sizes. It is an important element of the tradition; people will carve them to make jack-o’-lanterns. Placing lighted pumpkins known as jack-o'-lanterns in the window is a way of welcoming children dressed up in Halloween costumes for trick or treating.

Every household has to make sure that they have plenty of chocolates and candies to give for the trick or treaters who would come knocking at the door on the evening of Halloween. It would not be fun to have some naughty kids to play tricks on you, so be prepared for the giveaway treats.

For our family tradition on Halloween dinner, we always have pumpkin pies topped with vanilla ice cream for dessert.  At first I was trying to bake the pie myself but it came out soggy, so the following year we just bought a fresh baked pumpkin pie at the bakery instead. It’s the best-selling pastry during Halloween so bakeries always bake plenty. Then some leftover pie would be perfect for your morning coffee the next day.  Just the thought of it, makes me miss pumpkin pie, I can’t buy it here where I am now.

Usually when there are less trick or treaters than what you’ve expected it means more chocolates leftovers, mostly my son and I would have weeks supply of this treat.

Common activities you can do during Halloween:

Trick-or-treating

 Attending costume parties,

 Carving jack-o'-lanterns

 Bonfires

 Apple bobbing

Visiting haunted attractions

 Playing pranks

 Telling scary stories

 Watching horror films

photos credit: MorgueFile

Why do Friends Drift Apart?

 Today I came across a piece of writing that explores the reasons of why friendship ends, after reading it I felt a bit emotional. This article seemed written for me.  As if the writer knows about my restless thoughts recently.

For days, I had this big question mark floating over my head, wondering why I am losing my friends. Even the most devoted ones whom I thought will always be there for me are also joining the trend. I feel that everyone is drifting away and it seems like I am sailing alone in the darkness of a vast ocean. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what went wrong. Did I say something or did I do something that hurt and offend them?  Or did I fail to do something that I should have done? I know I am not an outgoing person and I could be boring at times. But I know I have a good heart and that I feel I don’t deserve their cold shoulders. I hate to sing my own praises but I am a friend who is always there not just in good times but in bad times as well. I never abandon a friend in need.  But where are they now when the tide turns? They seemed to disappear one by one.

The article that I’ve just read made me understand my emotional struggle. It reminds me that life is comprised of stages of different journeys.

When you start a new journey, relationships may drift apart. Some friends come along with you in your journey, while some don’t.  Do not be upset with them if they won’t come with you; for it’s not their journey. For those who do not come with you traversed a different direction.  When you and your friend no longer share something in common or now in two different places in life, closeness will slowly dissipate. Sometimes, along the way, you will meet at the crossroads and pick up the friendship again and sometimes not.  It’s nobody’s fault, that’s how life works.

But don’t worry for you will meet more people along your way that are a more suited for where you are today. And they’ll become your new friends.  Always be grateful to the friends who came with you on different parts of your journey. They were there for a purpose, to make each stage of your life meaningful. Sometimes our role in each other’s life will end, if that happens don’t be sad but cherish the good memories. No matter where you are, no matter what comes through life, keep going, do not stop the journey!

 Enjoy the voyage…

 

Saying “No” Without Guilt

Why is it that many of us find it hard to say the word “no.” We often encounter requests from others to do something for them and it is an enormous disadvantage for us not to be able to refuse.


People, who can’t say no, are putting their own health and sanity on the line. Stretching ourselves so thin trying to please everyone can oftentimes result in our own failure or worse that we break under pressure.

 But why can’t we just say “no”? According to a study, one of the main reasons why a person cannot refuse is the compassion trap- taking care of the needs of others before your own needs. Some people feel that it is easier to say “yes” rather than deal with the guilty feelings after refusing someone.  Others may say yes to avoid any conflict later on. Though some say they can’t say no simply because of the fear of hurting the feelings of the person asking a favor. 

I remember a friend who can’t say no to his friends and relatives. When any problem arises may it big or  small, he is the person to run to. He is Mr. nice guy, who would never turn you down. He is willing to lend a hand anytime; it could be money or his precious family time. After so many years he finally realized that some people were taking advantage of his kindness and generosity. So now, he learned to evaluate the situation carefully first before saying yes or no to the request.

Thus, we forget that we also have the right to refusal.  Nowadays, a person who knows how to say “no” is perceived as a person who has the strength of character and self-confidence.  The ability to say no assertively does not only earn a great deal of respect and can overcome feelings of powerlessness but also prevents negative consequence, such as feeling of guilt.

Steps to follow to avoid the feeling of guilt when you say “no”

Is it a reasonable request?

Immediately, when someone asks you a favor the first thing comes to mind is to think it through if it is reasonable or not. Does the person really need my help and why?  Am I the last resort?  Thus, look inside yourself to find the answer. If you find yourself hesitating or avoiding, this is maybe a clue that you want to refuse. If you feel cornered and notice tension or uneasy reaction in your body, this may also mean that someone is requesting something unreasonable of you.  When you do not have enough information to evaluate the request of its rationality it can make you feel uptight and confused.  

Make sure you have all the facts

You need to stress your right to ask for more information and details. Do not commit yourself to a yes or no until you have a good grasp of what is being asked of you.

Rehearse saying “no”  

Once you recognize the request and decide you do not want to do it, say no firmly and calmly. A simple “no “is enough. No ifs and buts and no frills. Though you can add a simple, straight-forward explanation of what you are feeling.  A straight to the point and simple explanation makes you sound confident, while many indirect and weak excuses portrays you as being timid and nervous and can be used against you by leaving a room for argument. Practice saying a firm “no” daily, so that it comes more naturally to you.

You don’t need to say “I’m sorry, but…”

Don’t apologize. Saying I’m sorry” frequently  just makes it sound weaker to the other person, he may be tempted to play on you the "guilty feelings" game. After you stood firm on your decision that the best thing is to say no then, there’s nothing to be sorry about.

Break the vicious cycle

Many of us are born people pleasers. The problem with this good trait is it becomes a vicious cycle. When you do some good deeds to others, you make people happy and you feel good inside. Thus the cycle keeps going, some people continue to expect things from you and you feel that it’s your duty not to disappoint them. Eventually, you become worn out, used up and taken for granted.

The best way to break this cycle is to always remember that you can never take care of anyone truthfully until you take care of yourself first. When your valuable resource is your energy, time, and emotions, knowing how to look after it is enormously important. Hence your happiness is at stake when this resource becomes depleted rapidly. Learning how to say no and allowing yourself time to analyze requests asked of you are both sensible ways to protect your well-being and you don't need to feel guilty about it. 

She did it Again!

A few months ago, I was surprised to open my Facebook account and found a familiar name in my friend request box. Though I knew the girl years ago in nursing school, I didn’t expect to ever see her again.

She used to be my friend but we had lost contact after she swindled me some years ago. I was deeply saddened and upset because I was nice to her and helped her financially many times during her needs.  I could not believe that she would stab me in the back after all the good things I’ve done for her.

What really hurts the most wasn’t the money that I’d lost but the trust, the friendship and the thought that I was so gullible for believing her words.

 The way she did it was so tricky; it’s like a work of art for a professional con artist. To think of it she was barely in her twenties. However I did move on quickly and I tried to forget everything as if it never happened because I don’t really want to live with anger in my heart.

Until one day, after seven years she found me on Facebook; she left a message saying she was glad to find me and she acknowledged what she did in the past and wants to meet me when she comes home for vacation this year. She didn’t say that she would pay me back but it seemed that’s what she was trying to imply. I was surprised she looks better now, far from that frail and skinny girl that I used to know.  She got married to an American and now lives and works in America, drives her own car and dresses up well with matching expensive jewelry.

I want to give her a second chance because sometimes people change especially when a person matures and gains wisdom through life experiences. Her words were apologetic and seemed sincere, but duh, con-artists have gift of the gab. That’s how they victimized their prey, their words sound so believable.

Anyway, in July she left a message in my inbox again saying she wants to see me and she will arrive in the Philippines in August for sure. I told her “okay, just let me know, and I am excited to see the new you.”  August and September came and gone, never heard from her, just found out she’s now back in America after a month vacation in the Philippines. She posted pictures from her vacation on her Facebook wall. I was astounded. What was she thinking? Didn’t she know that I will see her pictures? Were her words meaningless after all?

She could at least send me some lame excuses why she won’t be able to meet me this time around just to show a little respect. Then I can give her the benefit of the doubt. But probably she had no intention of seeing me again anyway.  Maybe her intention of contacting me was to display her life status now, a way of saying look at me now. I could be wrong but she left me with nothing but to speculate. I wish she did not bother me in the first place for she just stirred up an old wound she had created in the past.

She did it again, she fooled me one more time and I hate myself for allowing it to happen again. I would never trust this person anymore, I’m done with her.  I might as well unfriend her in Facebook also. All I can do now is to vent through written words, my way of letting go of the hurt feelings. After this I will move forward and forget that this event had ever happened.

Let go and let God!

A Message Through a Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
skies are blue,
and the dreams that you dare to dream
really do come true.

Yesterday, as I looked up into the sky, I was surprised to see a beautiful rainbow.  It seemed to say, “Cheer-up, life is beautiful!” 

In an instant my mood brightens up, as my eyes were feasting on this wonderful gift of nature. I realized it had been so long since the last time I’ve seen a rainbow in the sky. Certainly rainbows  show up occasionally when the key elements are there,   the raindrops and the sun. But then again, we spend so much time indoors nowadays that we oftentimes overlook to see the beautiful things taking place outdoors.  

After a few seconds of admiring the colorful rainbow, I quickly ran inside the house and grabbed my camera phone and hurried back out to take few snapshots of my treat of the day.  At that point I thought I should go outside the gate to get a good view, but before I was able to position myself for a better shot, the rainbow went away. How I wish I had a better camera at that moment to really capture its beautiful colors.

Earlier that day, I was feeling a bit down and discouraged.  I was contemplating on giving up my goal in writing again for the nth time.  The feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt always get me down.  Lately, I’ve also been missing my dad and my brother who are no longer with us. If they were still here, I know that they will always show their approval and encouragement of my endeavors.

While writing this post, I recalled that yesterday was the anniversary of my mom’s passing. Thus, thoughts came to mind that maybe my three guardian angels sent smiles from heaven through a rainbow to cheer me up and to say, "Don’t give up on your dreams!"   

Life is Great When You Have Options

Having the option of living in more than one country is certainly a good thing for our family. It became advantageous to us in many ways all through these years. My hubby is an American; my son has dual citizenship (Fil/Am), while I am a Filipino.

Since 1991, we have moved back and forth between the Philippines and the US. Sometimes it would last four years or more between each stay in each country depending on our reasons or needs of why we have to stay or go back to one country or another. This time around our goal to move back here in the Philippines is for my son to get a college education to ensure a better future for him. With the US economic problem and high unemployment rate, he really needs a good education to compete in a tight workforce. As of now he is in his fourth year in Physical Therapy.

What’s amazing with this option is that here in the Philippines we don’t need a lot of money to have a good life.  Living here, with just hubby’s monthly pension as our source of income is more than enough for all our needs and my son’s college expenses. My hubby and I don’t need to work here. Thus, we have an ample time to enjoy our hobbies. We don’t need to delve into our savings for my son’s tuition fee. If we were in the states, my husband’s retirement pension would just be enough for an apartment and utilities. Besides, with the rising cost of higher education in America, if we stayed my son would be facing an enermous tuition debt later on.  

I am certain that Philippine healthcare professionals are still being given a fair shake in America. You do not have to go back to school for more credits.  All that you have to do is a proof that you graduated in an accredited medical school and then you need to pass the boards in order to get a license and practice. I knew this because I went through the same process after I finished my nursing in the Philippines.

Isn’t it wonderful to have some options in life?  Then why not take advantage of it. 

Life Experiences

Fear of driving, is one of the reasons why I was a bit unhappy living in the U.S. I tried hard to learn how to drive, but I guess some individuals are just not capable of learning the skills of driving. I went to two driving schools in the Philippines few years ago, with no success and my fear of driving even got worse. The culprit might be the instructor’s way of teaching who just hands you the key and said “okay, do it, drive” without any details, but I could also blame it to the crazy drivers on the street and bad traffic situations. There are also no decent roads to learn to drive. When you are already scared, and you are told to drive in a chaotic street, the whole situation becomes too nerve-wracking and not suited for a faint of heart like me. In other words, I have no guts and the saying goes “no guts, no glory”.

My third try was in the US in 2004, when we went back to live there for several years. My husband was my driving instructor. Our driving lessons always started with full of anticipations and ends with animosity. I always heard some advice from other wives not to let your husband teach you how to drive and I believe it now. After he yelled at me for not understanding his instructions, he could not make me get into that driver seat ever again.  I knew then that I had to get used to riding the bus for a long time.

Eventually, I did end up using public buses as my transportation every time I would go to the mall and ran errands. I even rode buses to work especially when hubby won’t be home on time to drive me to work. Although moving closer to the hospital where I worked as a nurse made my commute a lot easier, or I had to take two to three bus rides to work if we didn’t move. There were a few instances though that the bus didn’t arrive on time and I got panicked. I didn’t want to be late to work. I hated the distraught look of coworkers give you when you’re late, though some won’t say anything still I didn’t want being perceived as irresponsible and inconsiderate.  

Commuting in a public bus was not that bad, except when the weather conditions were extreme. Actually, when I was new in the country I like to ride the bus going to the mall because I enjoy looking around and getting familiarized with the new environment.

I remember the very first time I rode the bus. I was so nervous. I was going to meet hubby after work and then we were going to have a dinner and stroll around downtown Palm Springs afterwards. It was Spring break and there were lots of nice things to see around town. I was hesitant to venture on my own at first but when my hubby said that after dark people would start doing crazy things, my curiosity got me to agree. That was during the time when cellphones were only for the rich businessmen. My thought was if I get lost I won’t be able to find my way back home. So I was so careful, when the bus finally arrived I sat near the driver and explained to him my situation. I handed him the paper where my hubby sketched a little map of where should I get off and how to get to his work. The driver seemed amused at my nervousness. I was probably looking like someone who just got off the boat. Then he snickered and suddenly started talking to me in Filipino. He said, "pretty lady you could get in trouble here. I can protect you, write your name and phone number here". I didn’t want to disappoint him so I wrote my name and a fictitious phone number. When I finally got off the bus and found my husband’s whereabouts I let out a big sigh of relief.

I still wonder what the driver had in mind though, I’m guessing that he probably didn’t believe that I was going to meet hubby at Holiday Inn Hotel in Palm Springs where he worked at that time.

Anyway, going to work in a public transport is another story. I felt embarrassed and was mindful not to be seen by my coworkers. One coworker I confided was shocked, “you would look like a poor person and it’s not safe”, she said.  I didn’t really mind who’s riding the bus as long as everyone behaves appropriately. I was usually careful not to sit beside a homeless guy who hasn’t taken a shower since who knows when or near drug addict looking guy. So far, I didn’t encounter any problem. The bus drivers were also good in making passengers obey the bus rules, like one time there was an agitated drunk man making a lot of noise, the bus driver stopped the bus and let the guy get off the bus, and it was as simple as that. There is also a camera in the bus, to monitor commuters.

My lack of ability to drive didn’t stop me from living my life in the U.S. Though it somewhat made my life a little bit restricted. I grew up in a country where it’s easy to get around, wherever you want to go there is always an easy and quick way to get to your destination. When I moved to the states I felt somewhat trapped. Though there are towns or cities in the US where you can get around easily even without having a car, the places where we used to live were fairly spread out and a car is a must especially on winter and summer months.

However, this life experiences gave me the chance to mingle with people from all walks of life and opened my eyes to see the other side of America. I realized that life in the land of milk and honey is not all comfort and glamour as you see them in magazines and not everyone riding public transportation is a failure in life either.