Online Friendships: Friends Without Faces

Do you find it difficult to open up to others? Were there times when you needed to tell someone your inner thoughts and feelings but didn't have the guts to do so? If so, then have comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

But then, what could be the reasons behind your reluctance to open up? It could be a fear of being ignored, being misjudged or perceived as weak, or simply not wanting to burden others with your problem. It could be something that stems from way back during childhood when your voice and feelings were not given importance by people around you. Thus you grew up not learning how to open up or trust others with your feelings.

However, with technology, others have found new ways to get things off their chest. Those who have a hard time sharing their thoughts and feelings with others personally may have no problem sharing them online. They open up to people whom they haven't met and do not know personally but have common problems with. They would rather pour out their heart and soul online anonymously. No wonder that a lot of social networking sites and online forums are thriving nowadays.

It's because many people find ease in knowing that their struggle is also someone else’s struggle. That they’re not alone and others have been down the same road. They feel like they found someone who truly understands them and thus online friendships may grow in time.

Friends Without Faces

by Thomas Teague

We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens,

We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.

With our mouse, we roam, through the rooms in a maze,

Looking for something or someone as we sit in a daze.

We chat with each other, we type all our woes,

Small groups, we do form and gang up on our foes.

We wait for somebody, to type out our name,

We want recognition, but it is always the same.

We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt,

In IMs we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.

We do form friendships, - but - why we don't know

 But some of these friendships will flourish and grow.

Why is it on screen, we can be bold,

Telling our secrets, that have never been told.

Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind,

With those we can't see, as though we were blind.

The answer is simple, it is clear as a bell.

We all have our problems and need someone to tell.

We can't tell "real" people, but tell someone we must,

So we turn to the 'puter and to those we can trust.

Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains,

They are Friends Without Faces and odd little names.

 

 

Do you really need a friend?

Do you need a friend? A confidante and somebody to hang out with? It turns out most of us do. According to a study, we have fewer real friends today compared to that of our parents when they were our age. Thus, there are times when we have no one to turn to in tough times or to unburden our inmost feelings with when we are downhearted. 

What is the possible cause of this present circumstance?  Most people would say that good friends are hard to come by and when they do “people simply lack of time to cultivate and maintain strong friendships." Though we may have hundreds of online friends, only a few are true friends whom we are willing to share our most personal thoughts and feelings.  

In my case, I grew up moving around from place to place. Even after I got married my family moves back and forth from the US to the Philippines every few years. Thus, my life circumstances have caused relationships with friends to drift apart and  meeting new people that have the same values as mine becomes a challenge.

So, nowadays I rely on my family as my friends. My husband, my son and my sister are my true friends and I am happy and content with that. Though, I am also open on having an outside friend, that is when the right one comes along.

So, to those who are like me who do not have loads of friends. Don't worry because studies have shown that as long as you have someone you can talk to openly and pour your hearts out with, it could be your husband, wife, sibling or a friend, you’re still making that healthy social and emotional connection. And the great thing about having family members as friends is that they are lifetime friends.

Also new research shows that having too many friends may not be healthy, particularly among older women. The reasoning behind that is, women are more likely to be the caretakers in relationships which can be stressful and demanding.

However, if you are in the process of acquiring new friends, read  this article "Seven Friends That You Need In Your Life". It's all about friendship and the different roles that friends play in our lives.

A Friend Forever

I saw a poem this morning posted by one of my friends on her Facebook wall. It's all about a mother expressing her thoughts and feelings toward her child, as a mom I definitely feel the same way...

I’ll always need my son no matter what age I am...

My son has made me laugh,

made me cry, stressed me out,

wiped my tears,

hugged me tight, seen me fall,

cheered me on, 

kept me strong

and drove me a little crazy at times!

But my son is a promise from God that I will have a Friend  

forever!

He is a gift from heaven!

He gives me joy...

  lots of hugs.

and lots of love.

 gives me company in an ordinary day...

He makes me proud.

When I was sick, he cheered me up with the best ice cream in town...

and most of all he is my best friend!

I am blessed with one and only child. Although sometimes I wish I had more children... a brood of two or three would be great. But I know I have no right to grumble... God has given me the best, a son that any mother could ever wish to have for a child!

Why do Friends Drift Apart?

 Today I came across a piece of writing that explores the reasons of why friendship ends, after reading it I felt a bit emotional. This article seemed written for me.  As if the writer knows about my restless thoughts recently.

For days, I had this big question mark floating over my head, wondering why I am losing my friends. Even the most devoted ones whom I thought will always be there for me are also joining the trend. I feel that everyone is drifting away and it seems like I am sailing alone in the darkness of a vast ocean. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what went wrong. Did I say something or did I do something that hurt and offend them?  Or did I fail to do something that I should have done? I know I am not an outgoing person and I could be boring at times. But I know I have a good heart and that I feel I don’t deserve their cold shoulders. I hate to sing my own praises but I am a friend who is always there not just in good times but in bad times as well. I never abandon a friend in need.  But where are they now when the tide turns? They seemed to disappear one by one.

The article that I’ve just read made me understand my emotional struggle. It reminds me that life is comprised of stages of different journeys.

When you start a new journey, relationships may drift apart. Some friends come along with you in your journey, while some don’t.  Do not be upset with them if they won’t come with you; for it’s not their journey. For those who do not come with you traversed a different direction.  When you and your friend no longer share something in common or now in two different places in life, closeness will slowly dissipate. Sometimes, along the way, you will meet at the crossroads and pick up the friendship again and sometimes not.  It’s nobody’s fault, that’s how life works.

But don’t worry for you will meet more people along your way that are a more suited for where you are today. And they’ll become your new friends.  Always be grateful to the friends who came with you on different parts of your journey. They were there for a purpose, to make each stage of your life meaningful. Sometimes our role in each other’s life will end, if that happens don’t be sad but cherish the good memories. No matter where you are, no matter what comes through life, keep going, do not stop the journey!

 Enjoy the voyage…

 

A Long Lost Friend

My college life was full of fun and happy memories. I made many friends and one of them became really special to me, her name was Mary. Mary and I were best of friends and almost like sisters. For four years we’re always there for each other not only during happy times but on sad times as well.  I treasured our friendship so much that I even wrote a poem for her. After our graduation, we went on our separate ways. We hugged and cried but before we said goodbye we promised each other that one day we will meet again. I had to move to another town, while she stayed.

The separation was hard for me I cried almost every night for a week. Though we wrote each other a letter once in a while, I still missed her presence. I had a hard time adjusting in a new town especially in making new friends; probably because I kept comparing her to the new friends I met along the way. Meanwhile, I heard some news from a mutual friend that she moved away because of a family crisis. Something happened to her family that cause them to feel humiliated and decided to leave town to start a new life. I wrote her a letter expressing my concern and she replied but her words were not the words I expected to hear. Mary wrote “I am not worthy to be your friend anymore, just forget that we were once friends!” I was shocked; I really didn’t understand why she felt that way because our friendship was totally a separate thing from her family issue.  I replied back, “we made mistakes because we are not perfect and no one is, except God. What matters most is I care for you as a friend and I will pray for you to get through these trying times.” She didn’t reply and I never heard from her again.

Through the years I still think of her and wondering what happened to her. So when social networks became popular like friendster, myspace and facebook I started searching for her online. Just recently, I found her on facebook. She had just opened an account, I was so excited. I clicked her profile picture to make sure it was really her, then right away I sent a message to her inbox and invited her to be my friend, but I guess her decision twenty-five years ago was already final. I got rejected on my friend request and I didn’t get any reply on my message. I felt sad, I thought after all those years she would have a change of heart, but I was wrong. Whatever she went through in the past, she has the right to choose a way to heal her pain if dumping me was part of the healing process so be it. I would never be mad at her or hurt by her decision. Mary was there for me when I needed a good friend. She did a good job as my best friend for four years and that was enough for me.  She was there for me when I needed her the most.

Mary left foot prints in my heart for sure but her role in my life was done a long time ago... so it’s time to move on!

photo credit:  morgueFile