She did it Again!

A few months ago, I was surprised to open my Facebook account and found a familiar name in my friend request box. Though I knew the girl years ago in nursing school, I didn’t expect to ever see her again.

She used to be my friend but we had lost contact after she swindled me some years ago. I was deeply saddened and upset because I was nice to her and helped her financially many times during her needs.  I could not believe that she would stab me in the back after all the good things I’ve done for her.

What really hurts the most wasn’t the money that I’d lost but the trust, the friendship and the thought that I was so gullible for believing her words.

 The way she did it was so tricky; it’s like a work of art for a professional con artist. To think of it she was barely in her twenties. However I did move on quickly and I tried to forget everything as if it never happened because I don’t really want to live with anger in my heart.

Until one day, after seven years she found me on Facebook; she left a message saying she was glad to find me and she acknowledged what she did in the past and wants to meet me when she comes home for vacation this year. She didn’t say that she would pay me back but it seemed that’s what she was trying to imply. I was surprised she looks better now, far from that frail and skinny girl that I used to know.  She got married to an American and now lives and works in America, drives her own car and dresses up well with matching expensive jewelry.

I want to give her a second chance because sometimes people change especially when a person matures and gains wisdom through life experiences. Her words were apologetic and seemed sincere, but duh, con-artists have gift of the gab. That’s how they victimized their prey, their words sound so believable.

Anyway, in July she left a message in my inbox again saying she wants to see me and she will arrive in the Philippines in August for sure. I told her “okay, just let me know, and I am excited to see the new you.”  August and September came and gone, never heard from her, just found out she’s now back in America after a month vacation in the Philippines. She posted pictures from her vacation on her Facebook wall. I was astounded. What was she thinking? Didn’t she know that I will see her pictures? Were her words meaningless after all?

She could at least send me some lame excuses why she won’t be able to meet me this time around just to show a little respect. Then I can give her the benefit of the doubt. But probably she had no intention of seeing me again anyway.  Maybe her intention of contacting me was to display her life status now, a way of saying look at me now. I could be wrong but she left me with nothing but to speculate. I wish she did not bother me in the first place for she just stirred up an old wound she had created in the past.

She did it again, she fooled me one more time and I hate myself for allowing it to happen again. I would never trust this person anymore, I’m done with her.  I might as well unfriend her in Facebook also. All I can do now is to vent through written words, my way of letting go of the hurt feelings. After this I will move forward and forget that this event had ever happened.

Let go and let God!

Don’t Quit- An Unforgettable Poem

As I was surfing online today I came across a familiar poem, while reading it I was a bit surprised that I could recite the next lines that follow.  It was a strange feeling of déjà vu.

 The poem “Don’t Quit” was my motivation and inspiration to pursue my goal despite financial difficulties when I was in college. I had a picture postcard of the poem which I bought from the stationery store across our school.  I neatly placed it on the back of my notebook inside a plastic cover and it became my companion all throughout my college years. I remember that I would recite the poem over and over on the way home while walking from school. Occasionally glancing at the postcard when I forgot a word, soon enough I eventually memorized the entire poem without looking at the note. No wonder that the poem was so familiar to me.  

These words of wisdom had inspired me during my struggles in pursuing a degree. It had lifted my spirits up so many times when I was barely hanging on. It gave me hope to persevere and to keep going no matter how hard life was. In the end, I indeed was able to reach the finish line and acquired the most coveted prize!

Whoever wrote this poem, “Thank you” from the bottom of my heart.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill.

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns.

And many a fellow turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man.

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor’s cup.

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,

It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

A Message Through a Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
skies are blue,
and the dreams that you dare to dream
really do come true.

Yesterday, as I looked up into the sky, I was surprised to see a beautiful rainbow.  It seemed to say, “Cheer-up, life is beautiful!” 

In an instant my mood brightens up, as my eyes were feasting on this wonderful gift of nature. I realized it had been so long since the last time I’ve seen a rainbow in the sky. Certainly rainbows  show up occasionally when the key elements are there,   the raindrops and the sun. But then again, we spend so much time indoors nowadays that we oftentimes overlook to see the beautiful things taking place outdoors.  

After a few seconds of admiring the colorful rainbow, I quickly ran inside the house and grabbed my camera phone and hurried back out to take few snapshots of my treat of the day.  At that point I thought I should go outside the gate to get a good view, but before I was able to position myself for a better shot, the rainbow went away. How I wish I had a better camera at that moment to really capture its beautiful colors.

Earlier that day, I was feeling a bit down and discouraged.  I was contemplating on giving up my goal in writing again for the nth time.  The feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt always get me down.  Lately, I’ve also been missing my dad and my brother who are no longer with us. If they were still here, I know that they will always show their approval and encouragement of my endeavors.

While writing this post, I recalled that yesterday was the anniversary of my mom’s passing. Thus, thoughts came to mind that maybe my three guardian angels sent smiles from heaven through a rainbow to cheer me up and to say, "Don’t give up on your dreams!"   

Life is Great When You Have Options

Having the option of living in more than one country is certainly a good thing for our family. It became advantageous to us in many ways all through these years. My hubby is an American; my son has dual citizenship (Fil/Am), while I am a Filipino.

Since 1991, we have moved back and forth between the Philippines and the US. Sometimes it would last four years or more between each stay in each country depending on our reasons or needs of why we have to stay or go back to one country or another. This time around our goal to move back here in the Philippines is for my son to get a college education to ensure a better future for him. With the US economic problem and high unemployment rate, he really needs a good education to compete in a tight workforce. As of now he is in his fourth year in Physical Therapy.

What’s amazing with this option is that here in the Philippines we don’t need a lot of money to have a good life.  Living here, with just hubby’s monthly pension as our source of income is more than enough for all our needs and my son’s college expenses. My hubby and I don’t need to work here. Thus, we have an ample time to enjoy our hobbies. We don’t need to delve into our savings for my son’s tuition fee. If we were in the states, my husband’s retirement pension would just be enough for an apartment and utilities. Besides, with the rising cost of higher education in America, if we stayed my son would be facing an enermous tuition debt later on.  

I am certain that Philippine healthcare professionals are still being given a fair shake in America. You do not have to go back to school for more credits.  All that you have to do is a proof that you graduated in an accredited medical school and then you need to pass the boards in order to get a license and practice. I knew this because I went through the same process after I finished my nursing in the Philippines.

Isn’t it wonderful to have some options in life?  Then why not take advantage of it. 

Thoughts on Memoir Writing

I have always been fascinated with memoir writing. Lately, I have been doing lots of research about it. The valuable insights I have gained from reading the works of memoir writers have given me the confidence and desire to embark into this difficult but worthwhile journey of writing.

Though there are many compelling reasons why people want to write about their life story, for me it’s more like a personal therapy. My goal for writing is to heal an old wound and to understand myself in deeper, clearer way. Yet it has long been passed for generations; a fraught childhood still haunts me till now. I feel like I need to do something to be able to move on completely.

Many would agree that it’s unproductive to dwell on the past. Let bygones be bygones as the saying goes. However it’s easy to say especially when people have not experienced the ordeal themselves. They formed an opinion because the damage inflicted on the emotions is internal and deep. It can’t be seen by looking at the outside appearance of a person alone. As this person may be hiding behind a persona to mask his or her true feelings. Self-healing is the key. By transforming our painful life experiences into written words would once and for all unravel the hard knots it had created in our past. Only then the healing process can begin. Sometimes we are able to accept the hardships and move on from our past, but there are certain scenes in life that stick with us. These are the scenes to focus on, to put our pen to paper or our fingers to the keyboard.

Once in a while, I have second thoughts about this idea. The notion of having to recall painful memories all over again worries me.  It is harder than I thought, but if this emotionally intimidating task will be able to heal our soul in the end and can make us whole again then it’s worth all the effort.  I truly believe that it’s never too late to heal. 

So get onboard and let’s begin the journey!